Tag: POSITIVITY

2017?

So what will 2017 be like?

Reflecting on what happened in 2016 helps me focus on how to make 2017 better, below is an outline of my end of year thoughts and action plans (the first chart is  blank, if anyone wants to use it for themselves, and the second one is filled out- hopefully the filled-out version will motivate me to follow through, after publicly stating this):

2016 Reflection My Thoughts 2017 Plans 2017 Specific Actions
For what am I grateful? Make plans to do something that enhances, improves, what I am grateful for:  Make It Count, Make a Difference.

 
What did I enjoy most? Spend more time and energy on what I am passionate about and identify ways my actions will benefit others:  create purpose!

 
What did I do to benefit, give back to others who are important to me? This is success.  Continue with more and if something is lacking make specific plans to elevate this action.

 
What improvements did I make from the prior year? This is success.  Continue with more, what else can be done? Change is constant, keep it up, find ways to improve more, or lose it; complacency will lose it.

 
What didn’t work out? This is failure, but temporary, because I will learn from it and make changes.

 
What were the challenges? List them along with what I learned from it.

 
What did I want to do, but didn’t get around to doing it? Schedule it in 2017.

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2016 Reflection My Thoughts 2017 Plans 2017 Specific Actions
For what am I grateful?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ·        Faith

·        Family

·        Friends

·        Health/Fitness

·        Music

·        Nature/Outdoors

·        Travel Opportunities

·        Business Opportunities

·        People who have supported/mentored me throughout my life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Make plans to do something that enhances, improves, what I am grateful for:  Make It Count, Make a Difference.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ·        Get involved in a helpful way with church to contribute/give back with my time

·        Plan and Spend quality time with Family and Friends

·        Research and Improve Nutrition through better meal planning

·        Schedule 3-4 days of workouts per week and stick to it

·        Support Musical Artists by attending concerts, buying music, blogging

·        Nature/Outdoors/Travel:  plan trips and share experiences and resources with others

·        Make weekly goals and follow through to grow business

·        Find an organization that helps people act and improve themselves; I’m not much a believer that “just dumping gifts in someone’s lap is the best way to make a long-term difference (if they are not trying to improve themselves on their own), but I want to help people who are trying

 
What did I enjoy most? ·        Time spent with those I care about

·        Music

·        Traveling

·        Improving via Design or Personal Fitness

 Spend more time and energy on what I am passionate about and identify ways my actions will benefit others:  create purpose! My Lifetime Goal/Dream:   I have a grandiose dream of creating or being involved with a luxury get away place that provides a place for people to get healthy, relax, work on fitness and enjoy music – all without leaving the getaway place.  A place for others to recharge, reflect, improve.

 
What did I do to benefit, give back to others who are important to me? ·        Time spent with those I care about, I tried to be present whenever someone needed it.

·        2016 I probably spent more time than ever before reflecting, so next year I want to increase the time spent in action.

 

 This is success.  Continue with more and if something is lacking make specific plans to elevate this action. ·        Increase time spent on actively giving back to others – this area needs improvement for me.
What improvements did I make from the prior year? ·        Stayed physically active throughout the year

·        Attended more often at Church

·        Acted to improve my situation, rather than complaining about it

·        Acted on Real Estate renovations

 

 This is success.  Continue with more, what else can be done? Change is constant, keep it up, find ways to improve more, or lose it; complacency will lose it. ·        Continue plans and focus on health and fitness

·        Get more involved with church

·        Find other opportunities to renovate real estate

·        Continue focus on self-improvement/purpose

 
What didn’t work out?

 

 ·        Failed relationship

·        Relationship damage with others

 This is failure, but temporary, because I will learn from it and make changes.  

·        Try to keep interactions peaceful

·        Make efforts to repair relationship damage with others

 

 
What were the challenges?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ·        Stress

·        Turmoil

·        Negativity

·        Disrespect

·        De-valued self-worth

·        Flight

·        Escape

·        Sadness

·        Emptiness

·        Simply existing, not living

·        Fallout

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 List them along with what I learned from it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ·        I learned to Let Go.

·        I learned not to let significant time pass without positive action and improvement in any given situation.

·        Improved Independence

·        Let go of stress related to unimportant/insignificant events

·        Remove myself from turmoil and surround myself with positive people

·        Exercise relieves stress

·        All people deserve respectful interactions, even if there is something bad happening

·        Self-worth: continually work on self-improvement and don’t be affected by others who de-value that self-worth- ignore it

·        Fleeing from a problem doesn’t solve it; it must be tackled head on

·        Get away from environments that can’t be improved and cause sadness

·        Improving my relationship with God and following what I am passionate about removes emptiness

·        Pursing a passion with a purpose leads to happiness and is living, not simply existing

·        Change will create fallout; that is a tradeoff unfortunately and will require more effort to improve but if not; let it go; nothing forced works in the long term.

·        Finding forgiveness for “wrongs” because they fueled improvement, so the “wrongs” turned into a positive outcome.

 
What did I want to do, but didn’t get around to doing it? ·        I wasn’t as affective as I wanted to be in 2016, because I didn’t spend enough time on it. Schedule it in 2017.

It is important to me to live life the way it matters most: TODAY.  When I look back on 2016, I can’t really say that it was a good year, or a bad year, because there were both experiences, almost to the extreme at each end, and somewhat surreal in retrospect.  So many disruptive changes occurred all at once (my dad’s death, a new business venture, loss of employee benefits at my current job but at the same time, my best year ever there, a divorce, giving up a condo on a lake, moving into a new home, renovations, challenges with my kids brought on by the divorce; it’s just been busy); so, I’m hoping that 2017 will be a little bit calmer.  I welcome change, just not as much disruption all at one time, it was an emotional roller coaster year for me and a bit of a blur with so much happening.

I plan to make 2017 a better, calmer year.

I also will pray for guidance, every day, in 2017, it can’t hurt, that’s for sure!

I hope to have the opportunity in 2017 to work with other motivated individuals, to pursue further success in life, because that aligns best with my passion: continued improvement.  This is what I do in my current real estate career (help successful people become more financially successful) and my new business venture (which provides motivated people an avenue to become financially successful).

If you read the original reason, “ABOUT”, from the menu in my blog, which I just started three months ago, this is it:  I am looking to connect with like-minded people and collaborate. 

I realize the internet is filled with a lot of fake people and get rich quick schemes…and this is NOT me, nor what I’m pursing.  I believe I put enough information out there about me, my thoughts, in my blogs, so you can get to know me and hopefully realize I’m a “normal” person, if there is such a thing.  If you search social media (Twitter, FaceBook, Instagram):  annm2705, you will find all my information.  I’m simply at a point in life, ready for the next step in a new venture and excited about the possibilities and opportunities in life.

by Categories: Careers, Entertainment, FAITH, FAMILY, FITNESS, Following Passions, FRIENDSHIP, HAPPINESS, Improvement, Letting Go, Make It Count, MUSIC, Nutrition, RELATIONSHIPS, TRAVEL, WellnessTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

NEVER SETTLE…one person’s viewpoint

I recently bought this T-Shirt.

UNSOLICITED ADVICE

We all love getting unsolicited advice from someone, right? NO!  Haha, not me, nor most of the people I know!  It’s different if we seek advice from someone, but I’m just talking about the unsolicited advice.  Sorry because I’ve done that before, but not going to in 2017, I’m improving! Advice, defined is: “an opinion or recommendation offered as a guide to action, conduct, etc.”  Who wants to be told what to do, without asking for that? I’m not giving advice here, I’m simply explaining my viewpoint on this phrase:  “Never Settle” and what it means to me.

I think giving advice is one of the greatest communication struggles and generally comes from a caring viewpoint, but tends to be unwelcomed.  Most advice is passed down from generation to generation because that’s what’s been taught, but in truly listening to other perspectives, we can learn a lot and might come up with new thoughts or ideas.  We are imperfect humans, so no one has all the right answers!  Experiences provide insight, but every situation is different, so there are more factors affecting a situation and only the individual experiencing the situation can apply the insight appropriately.

NEVER SETTLE

This phrase has a lot of meaning to me personally, and it probably is very different for others.  As a side observation, this is where judging someone from our own perspective happens, people read that phrase and come up with their own personal opinions and assume that their own viewpoint is the same as the other person: it could be, but it might not be? It helps to understand the other person first before understanding the meaning.

This phrase is something I believe very strongly.  Unfortunately, even though I believe that phrase, as a younger person, I validated “settling” at times because I believed, and still believe, no one/nothing is “perfect”.  But from those experiences, “settling” isn’t justified because we end up finding out the harder, more painful way; it just doesn’t work, we are forcing something that shouldn’t be.  And often there are other factors influencing our decisions when we choose to settle.  Someone, a long time ago, told me: “it’s not fair to the other person and it’s not fair to you.”  That comment stuck with me and sadly proves true and for that experience, I am sorry.

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This isn’t about one person being better than another, at all, it’s about differences.  Both people are good people, but we are simply different in our core foundation, and need to acknowledge that, hopefully sooner than later.  This is how I define “settling”:  settling is accepting something that doesn’t align with our core foundation: our beliefs, values, purpose, personality etc.  When we “settle,” we aren’t fully committed, and most likely that isn’t going to change in the future. Usually the good or bad  intensifies the longer it continues; it doesn’t change. Each of us has personal core foundation, beliefs, values, purpose, personality which are not the same as everyone else in the world; it doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else, but it is important to recognize and understand this.

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PERSONALITIES

Understanding someone’s personality is important.   I thought after growing up, having children, life experiences, etc. that I might have a different personality due to changes in my life, but I don’t.  I matured….maybe?  But my personality is the same as it always was.  I’ve taken multiple personality assessments through work or for fun at different times in my life and they turn out the same every time: ENFP  (supposedly only 7% of the population is this personality, so most people won’t understand me!)

enfp

Because of the same results each time, I believe we are born a certain way and external influences affect us, but our core remains the same, although it may get buried due to circumstances, but it’s still there.  If you are curious about your personality, here is a link:   https://www.16personalities.com/

If we understand each other’s personality, we are better able to accept each other for who we truly are; I believe people don’t change their core personality.  And we should never want, or expect, to change a person; we should accept them for who they are, if it doesn’t align with us, move on. We can force it, but if it doesn’t align with our true natural self, dragging it out only delays the inevitable pain, in my opinion.

GO SOLO – NO FOMO – OWN HAPPINESS

There is something about society that seems to believe that if we are not in a relationship with someone, we are not choosing that, or we are sad, or missing out.  That is not true, being in a relationship simply to “have a status” doesn’t make us happy, nor does it keep us from “missing out” and it certainly doesn’t make sense to spend time with someone that doesn’t align with us.  Our society puts so much emphasis or pressure on people about this, and I’ve been guilty of this too, trying to match up people, but I don’t any more.  I think the smart and happy people are the ones who wait and don’t settle for “fear of missing out”.  I’ve seen too many people with someone that annoys them, or doesn’t complement them, just to have someone/be in a relationship; so, are they happy?   NO!  Happiness is found from within anyway, if we don’t experience happiness on our own, someone else is not going to bring it to us.  Happiness is found by letting ourselves truly be ourselves, without pressure or expectations from others.   One day, I overheard a colleague say to someone on the phone: “Let me do what I do best!”  Well of course everyone in the office who overheard this “lost it” in laughter, but that passion was real. That’s when we know we are doing what we love; when we can confidently state that!  Haha, another memory that stayed with me.

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NEVER COMPLACENT

“Never Settle”, to me, also means to never become complacent.  We obviously will never be perfect, so to become complacent, to me, means thinking we don’t need to do anymore, so we just stop improving.  I believe in continued improvement, never settling, which means always being busy, never suffering from boredom!  Complacency kills.  There is always more to improve personally:  physically, mentally, spiritually, and in relationships, just like the game of golf (never fully mastered).  And this relates to a business or a job too, when we become complacent with a business or job, we lose effectiveness and appeal. This is an ongoing responsibility, so it’s important to do something we love/are passionate about.

complacency

NEVER SETTLE – 2017 A NEW START

Heading toward 2017 , I’m focusing on continued improvement.  2016 was a tough year for me personally,  a year of personal reflecting and realizing that some things have been lacking in my life and need attention; but I plan to make 2017 much better with a strong start.

By the way, if you like this  T-Shirt, you can get one here:  https://www.motivatedmindset.org ; they have many other motivating phrases too.  (I’m not receiving anything from this, just sharing a resource I found and like.)

I wish whomever is reading this that you have an incredible, successful 2017 too!

never-settle-t

by Categories: Following Passions, FRIENDSHIP, HAPPINESS, Improvement, Make It Count, RELATIONSHIPSTags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

THE LANTERN FEST

“Letting Go,” my prior blog, was written before attending the Lantern Fest,  I waited to publish it because the releasing of lanterns symbolically fit the topic of letting go and I was hoping I would get some great shots to add to that post.  But there was so much more to the Lantern Fest we attended, beyond the symbolism, so I wanted to write about it.

LEADING UP TO THE EVENT

I found out about the Lantern Fest on Facebook, which, in my opinion, is Facebook’s strength right now:  finding events of interest.  I’ve seen so many photos of Lantern releases in other countries and the events always appeared so magical, so I knew when I saw the event on Facebook, I wanted to experience it.  I also found out that it is an event that runs nationally and was founded in November 2013.  There are several other USA locations forthcoming.

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EVENTS WITH TEENS

I’m going to bet that many people with teens know that, at this point in life, spending time with mom or dad isn’t high on their priority list.  In fact, I think, as parents, we rank near the bottom of the list of whom they want to hang with on the weekend!  I am faced with this reality; despite all the travel and events we did when they were young and they couldn’t wait to go somewhere with me. But that is a part of them becoming independent, which is important.  So, most of the time, they spend their time based on their plans. This time, I wanted to experience this with them because we don’t often have that opportunity very often: with just us, so I signed us up.  Heading to the event I didn’t have two very excited people with me.  One kept asking how soon we could leave once we got there and the other was just silent and both were exhausted from the soccer games they played all day.

ARRIVAL

I love Google Maps especially because it reroutes us based on traffic jams, so we ended up taking some back-roads and missed most of the traffic arriving quickly.  We arrived just after sunset due to the soccer game schedules and getting ready after them, but if I ever go again, I would be there before sunset.   Immediately upon arriving we could see lights all over a field ; it was a huge festival.  We headed through the Brookdale Farms gates, opposite the activity for parking and took a long windy gravel road back to the corn fields where we parked.  It was dark out now so we found our way back to the event from headlights shining on the gravel, highlighting a few mud puddles, but of course one of us found a puddle on the way.

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THE EVENT

I wasn’t sure when the release was going to happen, so I wanted to find the lantern packages as soon as possible.  I knew the event started at 2pm and there were little ones running around, so people with them would be getting anxious to release the lanterns soon.

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We initially saw all sorts of food trucks and tents lit up, then asked someone in one of the tents where we would find the lanterns.  They directed us to the back of the event and told us to look for a white tent.  We walked for quite a while, and kept going, following the crowd.  As we passed in smoke filled air, we saw fire pits with groups surrounding them, tiki torches, and groups enjoying s’mores- awesome!  We made it to the tent where we were given our lanterns and boxes with the instructions and s’mores sticks.  We stepped to the side and noticed we were at the edge of a lake which was so beautiful reflecting the lights.  We could hear music in the distance, then heard the announcement that the launching would soon occur.  We didn’t have much time to figure it out, so we waited to launch ours, preferring to watch and video this massive launch.  It was beautiful, incredible sight!

 

I attempted to get some good photos, but it was so dark I couldn’t see my camera settings and fumbled around with the camera, taking whatever I could get and hoping to capture some of it.  Most ended up blurred.

LAUNCH TIME

Learning how to light the lantern, waiting until the gas filled the balloon then releasing into the dark sky…

BON FIRE

Our arrival timing worked out because many people left after the launch, so some of the fire pits were now freed up.  We found one near the lake and decided to try out our newly purchased GABOSS inflatable loungers.  These were perfect for the night.  We had an energetic one with us who loved filling these bags with air.

As soon as we had them set up people kept stopping by asking us about them and where we got them.  Click the GABOSS link if you want to order one!  They are sold with a shoulder bag and are much easier than carrying a folding camp chair.  They can be used individually or as a lounger with two or three people and will support over 400 pounds.

Patience? S’mores
S’mores
GABOSS inflated!

We made s’mores, then relaxed in the loungers, waiting for the second launch.  By this time, my phone died, but I still had my camera and could get a few more shots of the night.  The music added to the atmosphere, the night was a little chilly but when the fire was going it was an exceptional outdoor night.  Being near the lake was perfect too, as the first wave of people were leaving, the white and red car lights looked like Christmas lighting.  We decided to lounge outside until the traffic died down.

 

LEAVING THE EVENT

By this time, everyone was starving.  Because of the soccer schedules, there was very little time between games, so none of us ate much since breakfast, besides a few snacks. The craving was Italian pasta, needing those carbs!  My daughter searched on Google maps and found Joe Baccardi’s which was still open, thankfully!  It was about 9:30 pm, so we headed there and everyone ordered.  We barely made it through the meal, with my son was falling asleep at the table, so we headed out just before closing time. I think all but me fell asleep in the car on the way home.  I know for me; this was just what I wanted:  spending time with them and both of my teens seemed to enjoy it too!  We talked about attending one again.

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OPPORTUNITY FOR SCIENTIFIC CREATIVE PEOPLE

As with anything, there are multiple viewpoints.  After I posted pictures and videos on Facebook the next day, I had a friend send me some pictures of the after math.  This was bad, it looked like trash everywhere, on trees, homes etc.  The event was so much fun, but this was not good. Hopefully with technology and creative people, there can be a solution for some biodegradable, quick dissipating material that could possibly be used in the future for lanterns to avoid the landfall?  I’m hoping that someone reading this knows someone or is creative and comes up with a solution, maybe a future Patent?  If you read this and know of someone who might be able to do this, please share this post!

Lanterns in the trees
Lanterns on roofs
Lanterns in a backyard
by Categories: Entertainment, FAMILY, FRIENDSHIP, HAPPINESS, Lantern Fest, Make It Count, MUSIC, RELATIONSHIPSTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

LETTING GO – 7 STEPS

We all have times in our lives when it becomes necessary to “let something go.”  That something is causing a “pain” in our life; it could be a habit, a relationship, a job, or something else that’s not coming to mind right now.  Sometimes it’s easy, but when it’s not easy, I’ve found these seven steps successful:

  1. PERSONAL EVALUATION OF THE SITUATION

This is probably the MOST important initial step (personal evaluation) because if we don’t do this and identify our personal reason, we won’t be able to follow through.  Everyone is different, so we shouldn’t base our decisions entirely on someone else’s opinion. Opinions are helpful, but sometimes the person offering the opinion doesn’t have all the background or factors leading up to this dilemma, so they can’t give us the best advice for us, as an individual.  It is most important to evaluate the situation from our own perspective, asking ourselves questions such as these examples:

RE: Habit

Does this reflect the person I want to be?  Does this reflect my values? Does it reflect my beliefs?  Am I hurting myself? Am I hurting others?

RE: Relationship

Of ALL the experiences, which do I experience more of with this relationship: good experiences or bad ones? Does the relationship and person reflect my personal values?  Do other people (friends, family) see me happier or sadder in this relationship?  Does this relationship build me up or tear me down? Does the relationship contribute to my improvement or hold me back?

RE: Job

Am I doing something meaningful with my time?  Is the work environment a positive environment?  If not, can I change the environment by changing how I interact with it?  Does the effort I make in my job match up with the income I receive from it?  Have I given it enough time to be successful? Is it a healthy balance (am I getting enough sleep, exercise, relaxation time) for me?

We need alone time for this, away from everyone else to reflect and think it through based on our personal experiences and what we want in our lives.  There may be many more relevant questions to ask, these are only a few examples, but once we reflect and answer these personal questions, they should help us arrive at a decision and more importantly the REASON why we want or need the change!  We need to remember our personal reason because this is the motivation for letting go.  If we don’t have a reason, it will never happen!

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  1. FORGIVE AND FORGET

If we truly want to “let go,” we must forgive and forget.  Forgive, to me, means when a person apologizes for something, accept that based on their words followed by their actions.  Words are meaningless without action.  In addition to forgiving others, we also need to learn to forgive ourselves, we are not perfect, we all make mistakes, but recognizing the mistake and doing something about it is a positive action and deserves forgiveness.  If the actions don’t match up with the words that were said, go to Step 3.

If the actions reflect the words, this is where we need to “forget.”  Forget, to me, doesn’t mean erase from memory, I think that is impossible, but what it does mean is “forget” and don’t bring it up again, don’t dwell on, or keep reminding the other person of what they did: “let it go!”  And reflecting on this as an individual: don’t keep going back to what we did:  the past is the past, forget it, let it go and move on to a positive future!   and go to Step 3.

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  1. FIND GRATITUDE

Find a way to be “thankful” for the pain we experienced.  That probably sounds strange, but I believe with most negative situations/pain, there is a positive aspect that will improve us.  Turn the pain into gain.  Pain can be one of life’s great lessons, it can lead us to a better future.  Think about practically every improvement: didn’t the improvement start with some sort of identifiable “pain” something we, or society didn’t like, so it motivated us to improve?  We learn lessons from the pain we experience, we become better, so for this we can be thankful. The pain may motivate us to be a better person or learn from the mistakes of others.  Sometimes a bad experience propels us into something so good, we could never imagine it happening while we are having the bad experience.  The pain of “letting go” allows us opportunities to explore or create, amazing possibilities in the future. When we find gratitude, we find our “win” in the situation: the positive motivating factor when we let go.

Find a way to be “thankful” for the joy we experienced before letting go.  We will be more at peace with letting go, if we also recognize that while it shouldn’t, couldn’t, or didn’t last, there were great memories that made us happy and our life was good during that time.  We experienced something that we wouldn’t have experienced on our own.  Maybe that good experience gave us something we learned, something positive we can keep in our future life?

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  1. CONTROL OVER OTHERS = NONE, ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON

When we truly understand, and more importantly accept, that we have zero control over someone else’s actions, this helps us let go.  Each person controls his or her own actions; we don’t control others.  We may provide what we think is helpful advice, opinions or guidance, but we don’t control how they use that information and we need to let it go.  Let that person be themselves and figure it out on their own, because that is the only way it works.  If we attempt to control someone, we will drive that person away, so let it go, don’t try to control.  We are only responsible for our own actions, keep the focus there!

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  1. CLOSURE

This step is highly important to letting go and probably the most challenging step because sometimes people aren’t willing to do it because it is tough. I would love other readers of this article who have ideas to contribute for this subject, so please share this with others who might also have good input, and/or leave comments!  Once we get to this step, we are almost there with letting go.  I think most of us want some sort of closure before we let go.  Sure, we can abruptly let go, which may be the best way if it’s a habit we are letting go, but if letting go involves people, closure is very important, I think for both sides of the relationship.  It allows people to move on.  An honest, peaceful discussion or exchange is the best way to do this, don’t leave someone guessing or questioning things that might not be relevant. We should be as clear as possible when we have a closure conversation, think about it before we communicate it to the other person.  Communication usually has challenges anyway because people receive information and often apply it based on prior experiences, but we shouldn’t compare experiences.  Every situation is different; try to truly listen to what the other person is saying and if you don’t understand it, ask for clarification. But LISTEN to what a person says, if they are willing to give you the opportunity to tell you things, believe what they say, because closure is not always easy, so don’t make it hard on the other person. And once you have this closure conversation, let it be, let it go, it is time to move on!

There are situations where having closure is not possible, and that is probably the toughest of all.  The situation could be a dangerous one, where it wouldn’t be safe/wise to have closure, it could also be a sudden unexpected death.  These are more serious situations that are best addressed by professional counselors, therapists, etc.

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  1. GET BUSY – HOBBIES

The best way to let go is to focus on something you enjoy, or self-improvement (classes, fitness, education, career exploration, etc.) Focusing on these will take our minds off whatever we need to let go of and it will give us something back in return in the form of happiness or improvement. A “win, win” for us!  It allows us to get over the pain we experienced and move forward.

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  1. CUT OFF ALL CONTACT

If possible, cut off all contact (physical, locational, communication, visual, etc.)  Once we decide to let go due to our personal reason and have a closure discussion with the person (if possible/appropriate), there is absolutely no reason to stay in contact.  It will be better for our future to avoid any further contact, of any kind.  If we stay in contact, we are not letting go, so think about the reason we had for letting go, if the reason was important for us to decide to let go, then this should be just as important now to cut off contact.

In certain situations, this step may be impossible, so then we need to find all ways we can to limit the contact as much as possible and both parties need to respect this limiting of contact because it will ultimately benefit both parties in letting go and moving on.

I hope this is helpful and welcome other ideas or suggestions!  Be strong, stay strong and life gets better!

by Categories: FAITH, Following Passions, FRIENDSHIP, HAPPINESS, Improvement, Letting Go, Make It Count, RELATIONSHIPS, WellnessTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

GRATITUDE: 5 WAYS TO FIND IT

The Thanksgiving Holiday is coming up this month, for what are we thankful?

That feeling of being thankful, especially when faced with unexpected changes, challenges, disappointments or failures can be absent from our thinking, but we can find gratitude.  These unexpected changes, challenges, disappointments or failures are part of life and affect us, but how we deal with them is entirely our choice and within our control.  Our minds and mindsets are very powerful and will affect our lives in a good way or a bad way; the choice is ours.

So, how do we find gratitude?

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1-INSPIRING EXAMPLES- PEOPLE WHO OVERCOME CHALLENGES OR MENTOR US

If you want gratitude, it doesn’t take long to find amazing people who overcome challenges, sometimes greater challenges than we are facing, so by those inspirational examples, we find ways to be thankful.

Did you ever meet someone who was faced with tremendous challenges in some way, but focused on the positive, and then became amazing and inspirational? We set the limits of what we can become or do.  If our environment is negative, we need to find more positive people to be around, we can also read about positive, inspirational people, if unable to find them near us.  We are so lucky to have Internet access because this gives us a convenient way to find positive and motivating people.  Watch movies: there so many positive, inspirational stories that can help change your viewpoint to one of gratitude.  Some examples that come to mind are:

Soul Surfer

The Help

The Pursuit of Happyness

The Blindside

John O’Leary, On Fire

I believe there is greatness within every person, as well as tremendous potential.  It is a matter of our focus whether we achieve. Some will choose to let those challenges, disappointments or failures affect and control them and see everything negative and others will choose to use those challenges, disappointments or failures propelling to the next level and improving, understanding that we can be thankful for the challenges, disappointments or failures because we they make us stronger and cause us to improve when we decide to overcome them.  I’ve met some people in day to day life that once I learned their story of challenges, I couldn’t believe how they could be so positive and thankful. It is a choice.

Think about the people in our lives who have done something positive for us by:  listening, helping, inspiring, encouraging, teaching, motivating or entertaining us. We can be grateful for them!

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2- REALIZE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL OR CAN BE BEAUTIFUL – IT’S A CHOICE, NOT SOMETHING YOU WERE GIVEN AT BIRTH

Sometimes it’s the people who had the most incredible struggles who are the most beautiful people.  Inner beauty dominates outer beauty – think about that:  we were created with certain physical attributes and features, but the inner beauty is something that we create.  Sure, there is plastic surgery that can change outer beauty, but did you ever see an outwardly beautiful person and then get to know them and realize their inner beauty isn’t developed? Inner beauty is personality, respect, honesty, confidence, happiness, actively helping others, being attentive, listening, compassion for others, kindness, awareness, peacefulness, and how one uses the unique talent, gift, ability each person has that makes them a one of a kind. This inner beauty affects how beautiful people appear to us; if it’s undeveloped, it lessens the beauty we see or makes them unattractive. Knowing that; everyone has the opportunity to be thankful for being beautiful because we can make that happen,but if it hasn’t already happened: focus on inner beauty:  Inner Beauty dominates Outer Beauty.

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3- GET OUTDOORS

We are fortunate to have nearby parks in the US wherever we live.   So, use them, detach from technology, go for a walk, a run, a hike and take time to notice the surroundings.  So often we are in a rush, so we pass by beautiful things we have right in front of us.  We can be thankful for the natural beauty we experience: the colors we see, waterfalls, lakes, rivers, oceans, the changes in seasons, beaches, forests, mountains, deserts, and the sky and: sunrises, sunsets, clouds, stars.

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4- GO TRAVEL

Travel can produce gratitude.  We may find incredible places, views, people and then become thankful for those moments. Or we may see conditions we never experienced before making us grateful for what we have at home.  The travel can be near or far; either way we will get this experience; just go someplace new where you haven’t been before for the most impact.

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5- VOLUNTEER

Sometimes the greatest gift we ever receive comes from helping others and seeing the impact made on others.  Volunteering opportunities are everywhere and there is usually a shortage of volunteers. Find some cause that appeals to you and get involved, you will be thankful and so will others.  Focusing on others also helps us avoid any self-pity reflection of circumstances which is counterproductive to feeling thankful.

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REMINDERS

Once you identify what you are grateful for, write it down as a reminder to keep with you and stay focused on the positive; because we all need reminders now and then when things don’t go well!

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Make It Count!

This picture of Andy K. was taken in 2014, on this date, two years ago. I’ve told the story leading up to this picture several times now, but it is worth retelling for many reasons.

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Andy K.

HALLOWEEN PARTY

A bunch of  high school freshman friends decided they were going to go trick-r-treating at the very last minute at a Halloween party we were hosting.  So they needed something to carry, we had collected several Halloween bags over the years and stored in the basement. So everyone went down to the basement and I was handing out bags. Andy was the last one and the only one I had left was this “girly” “Hello Kitty” bag, so I just started laughing and said to him, something like, “you’re not going to want this one, are you?”  and he replied something like, “sure, why not? I’ll use it!”  and he did.  I was really impressed by his confidence, he truly didn’t mind and was going to have fun with it!  So I had to ask him if he would let me take his picture with it, and it was no problem for him!  He made an incredible impression on me at that very moment.

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Maddie, Cassie, Amanda, Lauren, Jack and Andy
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2014 Halloween Party

 

FRIENDSHIPS

The prior summer, in 2014, Andy K., Lauren D. and Jack L. spent a lot of time together at their brother’s baseball games and had become good friends.  They also went to homecoming together as a group.

 

YOUNGLIFE CAMP

The next summer, 2015, Lauren D. and some friends decided to go to YoungLife Camp; Andy K. went to a different high school, but shortly before the trip, they found out they were all going to be at Camp together and were pretty excited about it.  They had a great experience at camp with lots of stories to tell.

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Andy pictured in the red shorts and Santa hat at Castaway              Summer 2015

 

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Claire, Andy and Lauren- YoungLife Camp

KEEPING IN TOUCH

They continued to stay in touch and would do things together in groups.  At this point in time, not everyone was driving so I drove Lauren D. and Claire S. over to Andy’s to hang out.  Of course I got the call asking “Can we stay later?”  And I was fine with that, then I got the call, “how soon can you get over here?  Claire needs to be home ASAP!” That’s just how things go when you have a teenager.  So I picked them up and they talked about how much fun they had that night.  It just got to be later than Claire’s parents expected so she needed to get home.

A COUPLE WEEKS LATER 

I still remember getting the call from my friend Krista, I was sitting on the couch with Nick watching TV, she wanted to let me know first so that I could tell Lauren before she found out on social media, since Lauren and Andy were good friends:  Andy was in a car accident on the way to his job and he didn’t make it.  I was in shock, horrified and didn’t know how to tell Lauren; it was painful. From this day forward EVERYTHING changed on December 2, 2015.

THE AFTERMATH

The wake and funeral were the most emotional experiences I ever had. There was an unbelievable number of people attending, thousands in my estimation.  And I heard so many stories, very similar to my Halloween story of Andy’s personality, from so many people of all ages.   Andy K. was the kid who welcomed the shy kid at school, smiled at people, took time patiently with young kids, made people smile, looked out for others, stood up for the “underdog”, and was strong for others, provided emotional support to others in times of need.  And he was only in high school, but yet affected so many positively.

Andy’s Dad told the story of Andy driving his Dad to the airport for a trip and as his Dad started to go through the gates, Andy said, “Hey Dad, Make It Count!” and smiled. Sadly, this was the last time they saw one another. The “Make It Count” conversation was an ongoing conversation Andy K. and his Dad had many times over the years, but in reverse, when his Dad coaching Andy would tell him in sports to “Make It Count!”  Andy’s Dad asked that everyone remember Andy and “Making It Count” going forward.

GRATITUDE

I will forever be grateful that Andy K. was a part of Lauren’s life, he made her life better on many occasions and I will always think of Andy and his family whenever I hear or use the words “Make It Count”

So often in our lives an ordinary day, an ordinary experience, will not seem like much at the time, but does in hindsight.  The impact one person can have on so many was evident to me during this experience, it truly changed my perspective in life and is something that I will always be very passionate about: Making It Count!

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by Categories: FAITH, FRIENDSHIP, Improvement, Make It Count, RELATIONSHIPS, TRAVELTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment