Lack Patience? Get it by letting go!

Have you ever heard how “The Universe keeps giving us lessons until we learn the lesson”?  Well I guess I needed a lot of lessons to develop patience, but thankfully I made progress; it just took a long time! This past year, I kept realizing what little patience I had, but wanting to become more patient.  And while I wasn’t intentionally working on becoming patient, the experiences I had throughout my life taught me to become more patient.   These are my realizations about what I learned from experiences:

Simply described, I realized that becoming patient is achieved by practicing LETTING GO! I found becoming patient requires…

…letting go of:

  1.  Forcing anything– Patience is letting things happen naturally, slowly over time; this removes stress and adds peacefulness to our lives when we realize forcing something into our ideal time frame really doesn’t work.  Sometimes it’s as simple as letting time pass;  some things naturally work out on their own over time.
  2. Mistakes:  – keep improving when we mess up or life gets messed up, hit reset…a new beginning!  It’s okay to keep starting over when something doesn’t work, it’s not permanent failure, it’s only temporary failure! Patience lets us accept our mistakes and try again.  Each time we try again, we develop our patience and have another opportunity for success.
  3. Expectations of Others – this is out of our control anyway, so practice patience with others, don’t fit them into “our box”, “our way of thinking”, “our way of acting”: everyone is different, let go of expectations and let it happen as it is (Having patience with others will bring us peacefulness: when we have no expectations; there is no let down) Others are who they are- accept them “as is” work with them as they are.
  4. The future – we are not guaranteed a future.  All we have is our time, here and now.  We need to have goals or we will never accomplish anything in life and wander aimlessly, but this is about being present in the moment doing what we need today to reach our goals, pay attention to what is happening in our lives at the moment, don’t overthink the future, we don’t know the future and can’t predict it.  Patience lets the future unfold as it is intended and the future is more greatly affected by what effort we put in today anyway.
  5. Fear taking on the next challenge, pushing ourselves to do something we never thought we would or could do. Patience is developed as we slowly see progress along the way, in overcoming fears or achieving certain goals over time; then we realize that having patience helps us accomplish things in life.
  6. Control – have faith in God providing what we need in life, not always what we expect, or on our time-frame, but what we need, letting go and letting God take over. We become patient when we believe that God will guide us and provide for us; we have no anxiety. We are not in control of what happens to us anyway, only how we react to what happens to us.
  7. Seriousness–  it’s great to laugh as often as possible; we need laughter to help get through being patient when things take time and frustrate us!
  8. ONLY celebrating first place wins, acknowledge that second place is progress, celebrating the journey and the small wins along the way keeps positive motivation flowing. Recognizing small wins develops patience and the dedication needed for the big wins.
  9. The way we think it should bechange happens and we need to adjust ourselves to address the changes we experience; there is more than one way to do things.
  10. The past – let go of the past, something that didn’t work, didn’t work out for us: never settle. Never settling requires patience because it takes awhile before we find what is best for us.

So if we want patience, focus on letting go!

Helping Frustration

We’ve all been there, on both sides, the giving or the receiving of a certain kind of “help” and I bet we can all relate to the frustrations that accompany it too.  Beginning as a toddler, we often hear “I do it” from them; and that doesn’t seem to change with age either, we all still want to do it.  We generally don’t look for help, because if we look for help, that damages our egos.  So then, when help is offered, we reject the help.

THE GIVING SIDE- OFFERING HELP

Avoiding frustration is easy if we recognize that we can’t change anyone but ourselves.  We often think that “our way” is the better way to do something, but is it?  We all learn from others because each person has unique qualities, strengths, talents and gifts; so “our way” isn’t necessarily the best.  We can offer resources so the person can help themselves, if they want it. The resources allow the person to help themselves and build confidence by accomplishing something on their own.  So don’t be frustrated if someone doesn’t accept help, understand that is a possibility before we offer it and accept that first, before offering help.

THE RECEIVING SIDE OF HELP

When someone offers “help” we need to be honest with ourselves and decide whether we really need “help” and if we do,  then we need to take action.  We were not born “all knowing”; we need accept that we are “life learners”.  There is always something new to learn in life, it never stops.  We learn from people of all walks of life, different cultures, ages, education, etc. there are no rules: old can learn from young and young can learn from old, the rich can learn from the poor and the poor can learn from the rich, basically anything opposite gives us a learning opportunity.  We learn from experiences and we all have different life experiences, so we all learn from each other.

If we accept help, then we need to remember that what we do with the help/the resource we receive is up to us.  Our future success or failure is our responsibility and depends on how we take action or inaction. There is no one but ourselves who is responsible for our success in life.  There are people who are tremendously successful who will be the first to say “I’m not the brightest, but I was able to get bright people to help me” and then created massive success. So in the public eye, the “not so bright person” ends up being the genius!

RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS and “HELP”

We will all save ourselves time, frustration and pain if we remember to:

  1. Accept people as we are; don’t expect change, it typically doesn’t happen.
  2. Be authentic, be true, don’t pretend to be someone we are not, don’t ever change to “fit in”; only change if it is important to ourselves and our values in life.
  3. Be honest.  Destiny

 

2017?

So what will 2017 be like?

Reflecting on what happened in 2016 helps me focus on how to make 2017 better, below is an outline of my end of year thoughts and action plans (the first chart is  blank, if anyone wants to use it for themselves, and the second one is filled out- hopefully the filled-out version will motivate me to follow through, after publicly stating this):

2016 Reflection My Thoughts 2017 Plans 2017 Specific Actions
For what am I grateful? Make plans to do something that enhances, improves, what I am grateful for:  Make It Count, Make a Difference.

 

What did I enjoy most? Spend more time and energy on what I am passionate about and identify ways my actions will benefit others:  create purpose!

 

What did I do to benefit, give back to others who are important to me? This is success.  Continue with more and if something is lacking make specific plans to elevate this action.

 

What improvements did I make from the prior year? This is success.  Continue with more, what else can be done? Change is constant, keep it up, find ways to improve more, or lose it; complacency will lose it.

 

What didn’t work out? This is failure, but temporary, because I will learn from it and make changes.

 

What were the challenges? List them along with what I learned from it.

 

What did I want to do, but didn’t get around to doing it? Schedule it in 2017.

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2016 Reflection My Thoughts 2017 Plans 2017 Specific Actions
For what am I grateful?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

·        Faith

·        Family

·        Friends

·        Health/Fitness

·        Music

·        Nature/Outdoors

·        Travel Opportunities

·        Business Opportunities

·        People who have supported/mentored me throughout my life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Make plans to do something that enhances, improves, what I am grateful for:  Make It Count, Make a Difference.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

·        Get involved in a helpful way with church to contribute/give back with my time

·        Plan and Spend quality time with Family and Friends

·        Research and Improve Nutrition through better meal planning

·        Schedule 3-4 days of workouts per week and stick to it

·        Support Musical Artists by attending concerts, buying music, blogging

·        Nature/Outdoors/Travel:  plan trips and share experiences and resources with others

·        Make weekly goals and follow through to grow business

·        Find an organization that helps people act and improve themselves; I’m not much a believer that “just dumping gifts in someone’s lap is the best way to make a long-term difference (if they are not trying to improve themselves on their own), but I want to help people who are trying

 

What did I enjoy most? ·        Time spent with those I care about

·        Music

·        Traveling

·        Improving via Design or Personal Fitness

Spend more time and energy on what I am passionate about and identify ways my actions will benefit others:  create purpose! My Lifetime Goal/Dream:   I have a grandiose dream of creating or being involved with a luxury get away place that provides a place for people to get healthy, relax, work on fitness and enjoy music – all without leaving the getaway place.  A place for others to recharge, reflect, improve.

 

What did I do to benefit, give back to others who are important to me? ·        Time spent with those I care about, I tried to be present whenever someone needed it.

·        2016 I probably spent more time than ever before reflecting, so next year I want to increase the time spent in action.

 

This is success.  Continue with more and if something is lacking make specific plans to elevate this action. ·        Increase time spent on actively giving back to others – this area needs improvement for me.
What improvements did I make from the prior year? ·        Stayed physically active throughout the year

·        Attended more often at Church

·        Acted to improve my situation, rather than complaining about it

·        Acted on Real Estate renovations

 

This is success.  Continue with more, what else can be done? Change is constant, keep it up, find ways to improve more, or lose it; complacency will lose it. ·        Continue plans and focus on health and fitness

·        Get more involved with church

·        Find other opportunities to renovate real estate

·        Continue focus on self-improvement/purpose

 

What didn’t work out?

 

·        Failed relationship

·        Relationship damage with others

This is failure, but temporary, because I will learn from it and make changes.  

·        Try to keep interactions peaceful

·        Make efforts to repair relationship damage with others

 

 

What were the challenges?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

·        Stress

·        Turmoil

·        Negativity

·        Disrespect

·        De-valued self-worth

·        Flight

·        Escape

·        Sadness

·        Emptiness

·        Simply existing, not living

·        Fallout

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

List them along with what I learned from it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

·        I learned to Let Go.

·        I learned not to let significant time pass without positive action and improvement in any given situation.

·        Improved Independence

·        Let go of stress related to unimportant/insignificant events

·        Remove myself from turmoil and surround myself with positive people

·        Exercise relieves stress

·        All people deserve respectful interactions, even if there is something bad happening

·        Self-worth: continually work on self-improvement and don’t be affected by others who de-value that self-worth- ignore it

·        Fleeing from a problem doesn’t solve it; it must be tackled head on

·        Get away from environments that can’t be improved and cause sadness

·        Improving my relationship with God and following what I am passionate about removes emptiness

·        Pursing a passion with a purpose leads to happiness and is living, not simply existing

·        Change will create fallout; that is a tradeoff unfortunately and will require more effort to improve but if not; let it go; nothing forced works in the long term.

·        Finding forgiveness for “wrongs” because they fueled improvement, so the “wrongs” turned into a positive outcome.

 

What did I want to do, but didn’t get around to doing it? ·        I wasn’t as affective as I wanted to be in 2016, because I didn’t spend enough time on it. Schedule it in 2017.

It is important to me to live life the way it matters most: TODAY.  When I look back on 2016, I can’t really say that it was a good year, or a bad year, because there were both experiences, almost to the extreme at each end, and somewhat surreal in retrospect.  So many disruptive changes occurred all at once (my dad’s death, a new business venture, loss of employee benefits at my current job but at the same time, my best year ever there, a divorce, giving up a condo on a lake, moving into a new home, renovations, challenges with my kids brought on by the divorce; it’s just been busy); so, I’m hoping that 2017 will be a little bit calmer.  I welcome change, just not as much disruption all at one time, it was an emotional roller coaster year for me and a bit of a blur with so much happening.

I plan to make 2017 a better, calmer year.

I also will pray for guidance, every day, in 2017, it can’t hurt, that’s for sure!

I hope to have the opportunity in 2017 to work with other motivated individuals, to pursue further success in life, because that aligns best with my passion: continued improvement.  This is what I do in my current real estate career (help successful people become more financially successful) and my new business venture (which provides motivated people an avenue to become financially successful).

If you read the original reason, “ABOUT”, from the menu in my blog, which I just started three months ago, this is it:  I am looking to connect with like-minded people and collaborate. 

I realize the internet is filled with a lot of fake people and get rich quick schemes…and this is NOT me, nor what I’m pursing.  I believe I put enough information out there about me, my thoughts, in my blogs, so you can get to know me and hopefully realize I’m a “normal” person, if there is such a thing.  If you search social media (Twitter, FaceBook, Instagram):  annm2705, you will find all my information.  I’m simply at a point in life, ready for the next step in a new venture and excited about the possibilities and opportunities in life.

LETTING GO – 7 STEPS

We all have times in our lives when it becomes necessary to “let something go.”  That something is causing a “pain” in our life; it could be a habit, a relationship, a job, or something else that’s not coming to mind right now.  Sometimes it’s easy, but when it’s not easy, I’ve found these seven steps successful:

  1. PERSONAL EVALUATION OF THE SITUATION

This is probably the MOST important initial step (personal evaluation) because if we don’t do this and identify our personal reason, we won’t be able to follow through.  Everyone is different, so we shouldn’t base our decisions entirely on someone else’s opinion. Opinions are helpful, but sometimes the person offering the opinion doesn’t have all the background or factors leading up to this dilemma, so they can’t give us the best advice for us, as an individual.  It is most important to evaluate the situation from our own perspective, asking ourselves questions such as these examples:

RE: Habit

Does this reflect the person I want to be?  Does this reflect my values? Does it reflect my beliefs?  Am I hurting myself? Am I hurting others?

RE: Relationship

Of ALL the experiences, which do I experience more of with this relationship: good experiences or bad ones? Does the relationship and person reflect my personal values?  Do other people (friends, family) see me happier or sadder in this relationship?  Does this relationship build me up or tear me down? Does the relationship contribute to my improvement or hold me back?

RE: Job

Am I doing something meaningful with my time?  Is the work environment a positive environment?  If not, can I change the environment by changing how I interact with it?  Does the effort I make in my job match up with the income I receive from it?  Have I given it enough time to be successful? Is it a healthy balance (am I getting enough sleep, exercise, relaxation time) for me?

We need alone time for this, away from everyone else to reflect and think it through based on our personal experiences and what we want in our lives.  There may be many more relevant questions to ask, these are only a few examples, but once we reflect and answer these personal questions, they should help us arrive at a decision and more importantly the REASON why we want or need the change!  We need to remember our personal reason because this is the motivation for letting go.  If we don’t have a reason, it will never happen!

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  1. FORGIVE AND FORGET

If we truly want to “let go,” we must forgive and forget.  Forgive, to me, means when a person apologizes for something, accept that based on their words followed by their actions.  Words are meaningless without action.  In addition to forgiving others, we also need to learn to forgive ourselves, we are not perfect, we all make mistakes, but recognizing the mistake and doing something about it is a positive action and deserves forgiveness.  If the actions don’t match up with the words that were said, go to Step 3.

If the actions reflect the words, this is where we need to “forget.”  Forget, to me, doesn’t mean erase from memory, I think that is impossible, but what it does mean is “forget” and don’t bring it up again, don’t dwell on, or keep reminding the other person of what they did: “let it go!”  And reflecting on this as an individual: don’t keep going back to what we did:  the past is the past, forget it, let it go and move on to a positive future!   and go to Step 3.

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  1. FIND GRATITUDE

Find a way to be “thankful” for the pain we experienced.  That probably sounds strange, but I believe with most negative situations/pain, there is a positive aspect that will improve us.  Turn the pain into gain.  Pain can be one of life’s great lessons, it can lead us to a better future.  Think about practically every improvement: didn’t the improvement start with some sort of identifiable “pain” something we, or society didn’t like, so it motivated us to improve?  We learn lessons from the pain we experience, we become better, so for this we can be thankful. The pain may motivate us to be a better person or learn from the mistakes of others.  Sometimes a bad experience propels us into something so good, we could never imagine it happening while we are having the bad experience.  The pain of “letting go” allows us opportunities to explore or create, amazing possibilities in the future. When we find gratitude, we find our “win” in the situation: the positive motivating factor when we let go.

Find a way to be “thankful” for the joy we experienced before letting go.  We will be more at peace with letting go, if we also recognize that while it shouldn’t, couldn’t, or didn’t last, there were great memories that made us happy and our life was good during that time.  We experienced something that we wouldn’t have experienced on our own.  Maybe that good experience gave us something we learned, something positive we can keep in our future life?

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  1. CONTROL OVER OTHERS = NONE, ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON

When we truly understand, and more importantly accept, that we have zero control over someone else’s actions, this helps us let go.  Each person controls his or her own actions; we don’t control others.  We may provide what we think is helpful advice, opinions or guidance, but we don’t control how they use that information and we need to let it go.  Let that person be themselves and figure it out on their own, because that is the only way it works.  If we attempt to control someone, we will drive that person away, so let it go, don’t try to control.  We are only responsible for our own actions, keep the focus there!

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  1. CLOSURE

This step is highly important to letting go and probably the most challenging step because sometimes people aren’t willing to do it because it is tough. I would love other readers of this article who have ideas to contribute for this subject, so please share this with others who might also have good input, and/or leave comments!  Once we get to this step, we are almost there with letting go.  I think most of us want some sort of closure before we let go.  Sure, we can abruptly let go, which may be the best way if it’s a habit we are letting go, but if letting go involves people, closure is very important, I think for both sides of the relationship.  It allows people to move on.  An honest, peaceful discussion or exchange is the best way to do this, don’t leave someone guessing or questioning things that might not be relevant. We should be as clear as possible when we have a closure conversation, think about it before we communicate it to the other person.  Communication usually has challenges anyway because people receive information and often apply it based on prior experiences, but we shouldn’t compare experiences.  Every situation is different; try to truly listen to what the other person is saying and if you don’t understand it, ask for clarification. But LISTEN to what a person says, if they are willing to give you the opportunity to tell you things, believe what they say, because closure is not always easy, so don’t make it hard on the other person. And once you have this closure conversation, let it be, let it go, it is time to move on!

There are situations where having closure is not possible, and that is probably the toughest of all.  The situation could be a dangerous one, where it wouldn’t be safe/wise to have closure, it could also be a sudden unexpected death.  These are more serious situations that are best addressed by professional counselors, therapists, etc.

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  1. GET BUSY – HOBBIES

The best way to let go is to focus on something you enjoy, or self-improvement (classes, fitness, education, career exploration, etc.) Focusing on these will take our minds off whatever we need to let go of and it will give us something back in return in the form of happiness or improvement. A “win, win” for us!  It allows us to get over the pain we experienced and move forward.

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  1. CUT OFF ALL CONTACT

If possible, cut off all contact (physical, locational, communication, visual, etc.)  Once we decide to let go due to our personal reason and have a closure discussion with the person (if possible/appropriate), there is absolutely no reason to stay in contact.  It will be better for our future to avoid any further contact, of any kind.  If we stay in contact, we are not letting go, so think about the reason we had for letting go, if the reason was important for us to decide to let go, then this should be just as important now to cut off contact.

In certain situations, this step may be impossible, so then we need to find all ways we can to limit the contact as much as possible and both parties need to respect this limiting of contact because it will ultimately benefit both parties in letting go and moving on.

I hope this is helpful and welcome other ideas or suggestions!  Be strong, stay strong and life gets better!