I recently bought this T-Shirt.
We all love getting unsolicited advice from someone, right? NO! Haha, not me, nor most of the people I know! It’s different if we seek advice from someone, but I’m just talking about the unsolicited advice. Sorry because I’ve done that before, but not going to in 2017, I’m improving! Advice, defined is: “an opinion or recommendation offered as a guide to action, conduct, etc.” Who wants to be told what to do, without asking for that? I’m not giving advice here, I’m simply explaining my viewpoint on this phrase: “Never Settle” and what it means to me.
I think giving advice is one of the greatest communication struggles and generally comes from a caring viewpoint, but tends to be unwelcomed. Most advice is passed down from generation to generation because that’s what’s been taught, but in truly listening to other perspectives, we can learn a lot and might come up with new thoughts or ideas. We are imperfect humans, so no one has all the right answers! Experiences provide insight, but every situation is different, so there are more factors affecting a situation and only the individual experiencing the situation can apply the insight appropriately.
This phrase has a lot of meaning to me personally, and it probably is very different for others. As a side observation, this is where judging someone from our own perspective happens, people read that phrase and come up with their own personal opinions and assume that their own viewpoint is the same as the other person: it could be, but it might not be? It helps to understand the other person first before understanding the meaning.
This phrase is something I believe very strongly. Unfortunately, even though I believe that phrase, as a younger person, I validated “settling” at times because I believed, and still believe, no one/nothing is “perfect”. But from those experiences, “settling” isn’t justified because we end up finding out the harder, more painful way; it just doesn’t work, we are forcing something that shouldn’t be. And often there are other factors influencing our decisions when we choose to settle. Someone, a long time ago, told me: “it’s not fair to the other person and it’s not fair to you.” That comment stuck with me and sadly proves true and for that experience, I am sorry.
This isn’t about one person being better than another, at all, it’s about differences. Both people are good people, but we are simply different in our core foundation, and need to acknowledge that, hopefully sooner than later. This is how I define “settling”: settling is accepting something that doesn’t align with our core foundation: our beliefs, values, purpose, personality etc. When we “settle,” we aren’t fully committed, and most likely that isn’t going to change in the future. Usually the good or bad intensifies the longer it continues; it doesn’t change. Each of us has personal core foundation, beliefs, values, purpose, personality which are not the same as everyone else in the world; it doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else, but it is important to recognize and understand this.
Understanding someone’s personality is important. I thought after growing up, having children, life experiences, etc. that I might have a different personality due to changes in my life, but I don’t. I matured….maybe? But my personality is the same as it always was. I’ve taken multiple personality assessments through work or for fun at different times in my life and they turn out the same every time: ENFP (supposedly only 7% of the population is this personality, so most people won’t understand me!)
Because of the same results each time, I believe we are born a certain way and external influences affect us, but our core remains the same, although it may get buried due to circumstances, but it’s still there. If you are curious about your personality, here is a link: https://www.16personalities.com/
If we understand each other’s personality, we are better able to accept each other for who we truly are; I believe people don’t change their core personality. And we should never want, or expect, to change a person; we should accept them for who they are, if it doesn’t align with us, move on. We can force it, but if it doesn’t align with our true natural self, dragging it out only delays the inevitable pain, in my opinion.
GO SOLO – NO FOMO – OWN HAPPINESS
There is something about society that seems to believe that if we are not in a relationship with someone, we are not choosing that, or we are sad, or missing out. That is not true, being in a relationship simply to “have a status” doesn’t make us happy, nor does it keep us from “missing out” and it certainly doesn’t make sense to spend time with someone that doesn’t align with us. Our society puts so much emphasis or pressure on people about this, and I’ve been guilty of this too, trying to match up people, but I don’t any more. I think the smart and happy people are the ones who wait and don’t settle for “fear of missing out”. I’ve seen too many people with someone that annoys them, or doesn’t complement them, just to have someone/be in a relationship; so, are they happy? NO! Happiness is found from within anyway, if we don’t experience happiness on our own, someone else is not going to bring it to us. Happiness is found by letting ourselves truly be ourselves, without pressure or expectations from others. One day, I overheard a colleague say to someone on the phone: “Let me do what I do best!” Well of course everyone in the office who overheard this “lost it” in laughter, but that passion was real. That’s when we know we are doing what we love; when we can confidently state that! Haha, another memory that stayed with me.
“Never Settle”, to me, also means to never become complacent. We obviously will never be perfect, so to become complacent, to me, means thinking we don’t need to do anymore, so we just stop improving. I believe in continued improvement, never settling, which means always being busy, never suffering from boredom! Complacency kills. There is always more to improve personally: physically, mentally, spiritually, and in relationships, just like the game of golf (never fully mastered). And this relates to a business or a job too, when we become complacent with a business or job, we lose effectiveness and appeal. This is an ongoing responsibility, so it’s important to do something we love/are passionate about.
NEVER SETTLE – 2017 A NEW START
Heading toward 2017 , I’m focusing on continued improvement. 2016 was a tough year for me personally, a year of personal reflecting and realizing that some things have been lacking in my life and need attention; but I plan to make 2017 much better with a strong start.
By the way, if you like this T-Shirt, you can get one here: https://www.motivatedmindset.org ; they have many other motivating phrases too. (I’m not receiving anything from this, just sharing a resource I found and like.)
I wish whomever is reading this that you have an incredible, successful 2017 too!