Category: FRIENDSHIP

Yes, I’m finally going there. I held off following the crowd and posting about a “color” but what I see bothers me. Why? Because everything repetitive turns into only “noise” in my opinion, the initial intended meaningful message gets diluted then it doesn’t solve anything: there will be supporters and there will be those opposing. Opinions are rampant, everyone’s got one and most people dismiss someone’s opinion unless it aligns with their personal viewpoint, so does it really create change?

Do I truly want to see a change? YES! Do I truly want to experience unity? YES! Do I strongly dislike labels? YES! How will change happen? Think about it: change is hard, most people resist change and WE CAN’T CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE! WE CAN ONLY CHANGE OURSELVES! Hopefully the people who feel this same way will become a better reflection and more visible to others preparing a better future together. Change starts with me. Gradually through every day experiences, opportunities and conversations change will come about, but it won’t be over night. Every individual has to do their personal part and it’s a learning process. There are always moments of stumbling before people make it through changes, right? As a society, because of “political correctness” everyone is so highly sensitive, offended so easily, and looking to “catch” someone saying something “off”; it makes conversations very fragile, each party not feeling like they can openly share their deepest honest thoughts, experiences and concerns leading to positive change. Not being able to safely express thoughts slows productive progress.

One thing that all of us could do a better job of is LISTENING, truly listening to each other, having EMPATHY, putting ourselves in the other person’s place, think about what their experience might be like. I’ve seen some posts like that and THOSE are affective. Social media can be used for sharing personal stories being honest and looking for positive change. I encourage those of you who are doing that; we need personal stories! We all have our own viewpoints shaped by our “different” life experiences and we see things from those experiences, but those experiences may be the “same” too? Just because some may see others based on personal experiences, doesn’t mean the entire population is that way. Generalization hurts.

What I feel strongest about regarding this topic is: Everyone: please stop making everything “Black” vs “White!” I think enough generations have passed that we should be focusing on “right” vs. “wrong” in regards to people’s actions. We have so many mixed nationalities and “colors” how can we even call it “black” or “white”? Our population is a melting pot, our ancestors have mixed it up quite a bit! We need to focus on ourselves as the “HUMAN” race. What difference does our skin color TRULY make? None!

There is no “good” race, or person, for that matter! The only one who can be called good is GOD! As a society, we need to stop blaming everyone else for everything and start being responsible and accountable for our own actions. I am not denying the fact that there are people who oppress others, who hate, who hurt, who manipulate others, who take advantage of others, etc. Yes, there are those people, and if we will all be honest, I’m sure we can find someone who “looks just like us” and can be described in that way. It all boils down to character not color. And we need to find a way to reach those people doing “bad” things and give them a reason to change! Educate.

There are many who have experienced inequality, and injustice but we can’t make a broad sweeping judgement against numerous people based on certain individuals’ actions. Each person must be held accountable for their own actions and dealt with in a just way, as it relates to the established laws. One person breaking a law does not justify others breaking laws in retaliation; does that truly cause POSITIVE change? Or does it perpetuate hatred? And most of the media coverage I see is a disgrace to society. The media is all about drama, it highlights the worst of the worst and devotes more time to that than anything else, it ignites the problem.

There is genuine frustration felt by everyone.

I want to say the following to the people who are voicing personal racism right now:

1. First of all, I don’t want to call you by a “color” label! I personally want to refer to you as a person: male or female and that is all. Why do we use a different label? Do you want to be identified with a label? Can we stop that?
2. I want you to share your experiences, so that others can learn from them and become aware. We need that.
3. I don’t form an opinion of someone based on their skin color, your skin color doesn’t matter to me. My opinion of you is formed based on my interaction with you and the personal character you present to me.
4. I’ve met people whom I respect greatly and people that I don’t respect at all, but that is because of what they say or do, it’s all about character not “color”
5. Many others experience “injustice” at times, you are not alone in this. If you look at history, many have experienced horrible injustice and persecution: Jewish people as well as Christians. In my life, I’ve personally witnessed men, as well as women experiencing injustice solely due to their sex and generalized assumptions. I have strong feelings about this: we ALL need to support what is “right” and be against what is “wrong” and not let “general assumptions” define an entire “group” of people. We need unity, not division.
6. I’ve personally experienced being dismissed, honestly based on me being a woman, rather than based on my abilities but I will always remember the man who recognized this (without being told by anyone to do this) and he spoke up for me immediately, in the moment. He was an example to me of the character we all should have, and I’ve told others about that experience for years. That is what makes a difference- acting in the moment and we all need to do this, we all need to speak up when we see something happen. I don’t believe that I need to belong to “the equal rights, women’s club” or take on a “strong, forceful woman persona” because of this experience. I feel like that sort of identification and “separation” from men, actually causes more “separation.” So it bothers me when people do that: identify that way. Please be strong in standing for what you believe as an individual, because many people within a group label are different, and you may not want to be labeled the same as some of those people in the group. I didn’t want to be identified “differently” in business; I just wanted to be viewed based solely on my abilities. I believe we need to acknowledge our differences (men and women) and be happy about those differences; we compliment and balance each other! This experience I had was as an Architectural Project Manager on a construction job site, and there weren’t many woman in that type of a role as there are now. I just needed time to gain other’s confidence, working TOGETHER, over time, and it did change. I had to contribute to conversation more so others could view me based on my knowledge rather than on being a woman. Some might say, I shouldn’t have needed to do that, but seriously? Who said life was going to be easy with no challenges? We have to do what it takes to make progress. If we want change, it will happen, but it happens with us as an individual first. Being in that situation required that I be respectful of others during the process, or I would have lost their respect and gained nothing, made no progress.
7. I will stand up for what is right. I have empathy for people doing what is good/right, who are treated poorly, unfairly and without justice. I will NOT stand up for someone SOLELY based on their skin color; that is wrong. As a “white” person, it would be wrong for me to stand up for a “white” person, just because they are “white” but at the same time, this also holds true inserting any “color”- it is about character, not color to me.
8. I believe we all achieve more when acting peacefully than acting out of anger. I think we need to reflect on how we can create a positive outcome before immediately addressing a situation so that it happens in a calm manner, rather than in an upset manner, and so we conclude with positive change.
9. I wish those who say “the white people” this or that, would stop saying that because not all “white people” are the same, nor do all
   “white people” have the same life experiences. And I realize that not everyone says this…so that statement is only meant for those who say it. Again generalizations harm progress. Speak directly to the person who did something bad/wrong.
10. I believe if those who feel we are on “opposite” sides took the time to get to know the “opposite” side, they will find out, we are the same: there are people who do “good” and people who do “bad.” We need to be unified in opposing “bad”.
11. I realize I may have not experienced life the way some have, but then again, maybe I have and you simply don’t know me or my life? Don’t assume anything.
12. The protests shown by the media don’t seem to lead to meaningful conversations from what I’ve seen. If a person doesn’t believe in what the protesters are saying, they ignore them, but the people who ignore them are the ones the protesters want to reach! The people who have the same view are already supportive. This doesn’t appear to be a means to success? I believe in the freedom of speech; but what is the most effective way? Then there are those who resort to violence because they are not being heard….Does yelling at someone with an opposing view point create positive change? Does giving authorities the middle finger work to do anything other than perpetuate hatred? I haven’t seen it do something positive. This is venting anger and perpetuating the problem unfortunately. This violence needs to stop or positive change will not happen. I think we may all agree with this? We can’t be supportive of people who are acting badly. Can we ask ourselves: what are we doing personally to stop people we know who behave like this? How can we reach them?
13. Lastly, it concerns me when our society/news media continually highlights “black” and “white” as the primary focus….can we please focus on:

Character not Color!