Category: Face Fear

I hope you read this and it makes a Difference!

I woke up early this morning with this on my mind: in the midst of “social distancing” and “isolation” caused by this rapidly spreading #coronavirus …you’re like me right now, if you don’t want to see or hear that word again, and feel “exhausted” by it, wanting to “social distance from that word!” but yet learn from experts, it’s a mental tug-of-war between the two: avoidance and seeking information to be informed.

Getting back to the thought I had this morning: “FOG”…”Emerging from the Fog” We are “in the fog” right now: things are unclear, uncertain, we can’t see what’s ahead of us, we are fumbling while trying to move forward, we aren’t quite “blind,” but are having trouble seeing ahead. There is no doubt, in my mind, that this is an unprecedented situation for something even greater than what our current focus is on.

When was the last time the ENTIRE WORLD came to a “halt” at the same time?

Pay attention to this! It’s more significant than you may realize right now. Have you ever focused so much on a detail, that you didn’t get the main point? What we are experiencing right now is exactly that: the virus is the detail, but it is not the main point. The virus will pass, just don’t miss the main point of why we are going through this now. History repeats itself; we have the same experiences in life when we don’t learn from them. This is where I may loose you….

But I hope you read this and it makes a difference:

Let me first explain, I am not a “religious” person. I’ll define that by example: I grew up with a religion, went to a faith based school, but honestly, I rejected that religion. I never felt connected, struggled with the religion, but I did have faith in God somehow. I became “affiliated” with that religion, and then defined myself to others as a “non-practicing” ….this is not something to be proud of; it’s embarrassing, but true. I tried to participate more because that was “the right thing to do,” but I failed often yet believed (what little I learned from) the Bible; this wasn’t an intentional rejection of God, but in a way it still was rejecting God, because I didn’t have God as my priority, and I didn’t realize that at the time (I was in a fog). So as I say what’s next, try to understand coming from my perspective.

I believe what is happening is a “wake up” call. Only God could manage to DISRUPT/HALT THE ENTIRE WORLD in a very short time frame (a matter of weeks). I’m NOT saying God CAUSED this; but I am saying God is USING this, turning something bad into something good for us. None of us have seen anything like it in our life time. It has global reach and is affecting each of us individually.

So how is God using this? He is using this to turn our attention to Him. Our world has (we have) become so corrupt, we don’t even realize it, we’ve begun to accept things that are completely against the Bible as normal and believe those things are “right,” “justifiable,” in our minds and we are headed on a path of destruction, but don’t even realize this. I was in a fog about this too, going in the same path; BEFORE reading the Bible for the first time recently, late summer 2019. This statement isn’t only my opinion (that God is trying to turn our attention to Him), it is biblically based. There are many historically documented times, where God used natural disasters, events, plagues, healings, miracles, angels, etc. to get people’s attention, this is His REPEATED mode of operation, documented in the Bible:

  • The flood and Noah’s Ark (growing up, I thought this was a fable to teach us something, but I realize while this was to teach us something; it isn’t a fable). There are well educated archaeologists, historians and scientists who can back up this statement; believe me, I had to find them before making a statement like this because of my initial belief!
  • The plagues in Egypt during Moses’ time in the Old Testament
  • The destruction of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah
  • Angels sent by God to warn people or inform people, messengers, protectors
  • The miracles Jesus (and the Apostles, through God performed)

I don’t think this is the end of the world; I’m not an extremist. Just like all those times thousands of years ago, it was not the end of the world, but it was a wake up call. This virus is something that will pass, in my opinion, but right now, we don’t know if someone we know will get this, or if we will get it? Will we recover? Or will God decide: “your time’s up”?

Are you prepared for this?

What we are experiencing right now is enough to cause concern in me about people who haven’t been “fortunate” enough to have some event in your life “wake you up.” Take advantage of this downtime to connect with God. This is personal between each of us and God; you will learn the significance about this, if you read the bible. It affects every person’s future.

Long Range planning? This is where our long range planning needs to be, everything else is short term planning, don’t be misled by distractions in life.

Remember: you don’t take it with you. In the end, it is just your spirit that God breathed into you when he gave you life. You get to decide where your spirit ends up; it’s your choice. If you haven’t thought about that, now is a good time.

My personal note to you: As I began to read the Bible, I started an Instagram account (link here) to save things I read that stood out to me, things I didn’t know before reading the Bible, to help me remember them, and for future reference. I thought if anyone else reads them and it helps someone else that’s even better. The only people/accounts that I follow are people who have contributed (unknowingly) to the growth of my faith. I’m hoping that if you read this and you want to learn more, maybe these accounts will be a good resource for you too? There are a variety of personalities, you may connect with some, and not others. I’ve watched these people/accounts I follow for awhile and over time they have been authentic, teach from the Bible and seem to have integrity too, and seem to be “servants” of God with good intentions. As for my account, it has now become a “responsibility”/”accountability” I gave myself: to make me read something from the Bible every day, and create a post, truly thinking about what I just read (journaling) which I never did before. I know it’s important to stay connected daily, or naturally, our priority of God will be replaced with something else. Whatever we focus on becomes our priority. The greatest commandment is to keep God as our #1 priority. When I first read the Bible, it was a “race to the end” for me to “get the main point” of it, but now I’m getting into the details. I’m relatively new to this but learning more every day from committing to daily reading. Doing this truly has transformed my beliefs/thoughts/priorities, in ways I never thought possible.

Other resources:

For Hope/Positivity: I rarely have anxiety about anything now, but occasionally if it starts, it ends quickly by listening to a YouTube video, specifically by Rick Warren on that topic and how the Bible addresses the subject matter. He has an incredible library of helpful topics to get through anything in life, based on the Bible. His stated intention is to give people hope. I’m actually reading his book right now, The Purpose Driven Life, and even though it’s been a #1 Seller that topped the Wall Street Journal’s chart, Publishers Weekly chart and was a New York Times Bestseller with 32 million copies sold in 85 languages as of 2019, for me, his videos have more personal impact and daily application of Biblical teachings, but everyone responds to different things and different people.

For Historical and Scientific support of Biblical information along with real life application: Greg Holder and the weekly YouTube online broadcast of each and every service of The Crossing is a great resource.

For the honest biblically based truth: If you have pride, or think you are “good enough,” don’t need to change, you should listen to Marcus Rogers for a wake up call. He talks raw truth about the bible, doesn’t “sugar coat” anything, doesn’t care how people react to what he says, he says things most people are afraid to say because it is not what people want to hear, isn’t
“politically correct”, afraid because they will be looked at like they are crazy (talking about the spiritual world) when this is actually in the Bible, people don’t want to accept it as truth because it makes them uncomfortable. His style is not what I grew up with, yet I appreciate what he is doing and like him because I believe he has good core intentions and he does make me think or research something, reflect on my short comings.

For reading the Bible on your own: (this app reads it to you also); you can search any topic, find reading plans based on what is applicable in your life at the time, download the YouVersion app available in ios or Android versions. This app was created by Life Church.

For questions about anything in the Bible: www.GotQuestions.Org offers an app resource which answers different questions people may have coming from different faith backgrounds into the exploration of Christian faith and provides the scripture references for questions, so you can read them for yourself and decide.

My hope is that this helps at least one person! #faithoverfear #trustGod

by Categories: Face Fear, FAITH, FAMILY, FRIENDSHIP, HAPPINESS, Improvement, Love, Make It Count, RELATIONSHIPS, WellnessTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Real Love – from the #1 source, best seller

Growing up our thoughts about love and relationships are formed based on what we see in other relationships of those we are closest to as well as our personal experiences and just like first-time parents, we may, or may not, have been given the best instruction book for success due to this. People are obviously not perfect in example or in relationships in general.

I believe everyone at some point in their life wants a real “love” relationship experience, especially after getting hurt. But many of us don’t know what “love” truly is, we think we do (again based on what we see or experience), but that could be wrong. We may end up seeking advice from from friends, from books, from music, from others; but often that advice isn’t the best because it is based on other’s personal experiences and personally drawn conclusions, so it might not be applicable to us.

So there is honestly only 1 trustworthy author, who is a guaranteed, reliable source for real love knowledge, because none of us are perfect, or act perfect all the time, so we are not the best sources on love; we are imperfect sources. But God is. God is a trustworthy, guaranteed, eternal, reliable source for love and because of the following reasons:

  • The Bible is inspired by God (through the Holy Spirit, the source of Wisdom) (2 Timothy 3:16) (Isaiah 11:2)
  • The Bible is truth, so that’s the only resource for trusted information. (John 17:17)
  • The Bible tells us: “God is Love” (1 John 4:8), so going straight to the source of Love is the best place for information.
  • According to the Guinness Book of World Records as of 1995, the Bible is the best-selling book of all time with an estimated 5 billion copies sold and distributed. The bible has sold billions of copies and is the best selling book of all time- according to World Atlas as of 2018 also.

So what does the Bible tell us about real love?

  • First God is love and loves us. (Deuteronomy 23:5, Romans 5:5, John 1:17, 1 Thessalonians 1:4, 1 John 4:9 and hundreds of more verses in the Bible) God is perfect, so love described in the Bible is the ONLY perfect, real love.
  • Secondly, Jesus told us the most important choice we can make is: Loving God and loving others (Mark 12 29:31) so we should understand what real love means because it WILL affect us.

So how do we know (recognize) real love and how do we show real love to others?

  • Love is Patient (1 Corinthians 13: 4) – someone who loves shows patience is calm, forgiving, gentle, quiet, tolerant, submissive, persistent, understanding, accommodating, composed, easy-going, even-tempered, untiring, willing to endure, lenient, mild-tempered, persevering, serene
  • Love is Kind (1 Corinthians 13:4) – someone who is kind: affectionate, amiable, charitable, compassionate, considerate, cordial, courteous, friendly, gentle, gracious, humane, kindhearted, loving, sympathetic, thoughtful, tolerant, humanitarian, understanding
  • Love is NOT jealous (1 Corinthians 13:4): it is calm, content, undoubting, unworried, confident, satisfied, trusting, unresentful
  • Love is NOT boastful (1 Corinthians 13:4): it is humble, modest, unconceited
  • Love is NOT proud (1 Corinthians 13:4); it is humble, meek, modest
  • Love is NOT rude (1 Corinthians 13:5); it is decent, gentle, nice, polite, refined, sophisticated, mannerly, respectful
  • Love does NOT demand its own way (1 Corinthians 13: 5); it is easy, flexible, nice, simple, tolerant, yielding, unchallenging
  • Love is NOT irritable (1 Corinthians 13: 5); it is happy, pleasant, cheerful, nice
  • Love keeps no record of being wronged (1 Corinthians 13:5); love forgives and doesn’t remind someone of the past
  • Love supports justice (1 Corinthians 13: 6): it is honesty, integrity, truth
  • Love never gives-up (1 Corinthians 13:7); it compliments, praises, helps, initiates, cares, maintains, continues, fights for, holds on, accepts, embraces, joins, stays, remains, pursues, encourages, grows, builds, defends, treasures, guards, protects, validates, builds up, stabilizes, strengthens, remains, waits, supports
  • Love never loses faith (1 Corinthians 13:7); love has belief, confidence, hope, loyalty, truth, allegiance, assurance, certainty, constancy, fidelity
  • Love is always hopeful (1 Corinthians 13: 7); confident, cheerful, comfortable, eager, enthusiastic, trusting, upbeat, calm, content, faithful, reassuring, forward-looking, serene, encouraging, exciting, uplifting, enlivening, inspiring
  • Love endures through every circumstance (1 Corinthians 13:7); it bears hardships and survives, it sustains, weathers, withstands, supports, is patient through circumstances, copes, hangs on, puts up with, persists, remains, stays, lasts, has no end, love lasts FOREVER

Love is NOT:

demanding, pushy, loud, rough, troubled, violent, wild, frustrated, impatient, intolerant, unwilling, aloof, antagonistic, cold, cruel, disagreeable, discourteous, hard, harsh, hateful, inattentive, inconsiderate, indifferent, inhumane, mean, merciless, nasty, rough, rude, thoughtless, uncaring, uncompassionate, unfeeling, unfriendly, unkind, unsociable, violent, bitter, jealous, anxious, apprehensive, envious, intolerant, possessive, skeptical, suspicious, doubting, grabby, guarded, mistrustful, monopolizing, possessory, questioning, boastful, arrogant, cocky, pompous, pretentious, big-headed, conceited, egotistical, hifalutin, know-it-all, hot stuff, loudmouth, self-applauding, smart-alecky, snooty, stuck-up, swanky, imposing, feeling pleasure or satisfaction over something regarded highly valuable, feeling of superiority, abusive, blunt, crude, impolite, insulting, intrusive, obscene, vulgar, abrupt, bad-mannered, discourteous, inconsiderate, savage, challenging, urgent, critical, difficult, exhausting, hard, onerous, pressing, strict, taxing, tough, troublesome, trying, nagging, wearing, bothersome, dictatorial, fussy, grievous, insistent, oppressive, annoyed, resentful, testy, cantankerous, complaining, dissatisfied, easily offended, gloomy, grouchy, grumbling, hasty, huffy, hypercritical, moody, ill-humored, oversensitive, quick-tempered, sensitive, tense, touchy, corrupt, dishonest, lawlessness, unethical, unfair, partiality, abandoning, leaving alone, quitting, dropping, deserting, backing out, avoiding, keeping from, withdrawing, leaving hanging, calling it quits, backing off, copping out, holding back, getting “cold feet,” letting go, discarding, dumping, aborting, ignoring, disloyal, dishonest, doubtful, inconsistent, uncertain, rejecting, skeptic, apathetic, depressed, disinterested, down, hopeless, pessimistic, sad, unenthusiastic, unhappy, desperate, despondent, fearful, gloomy

After reading about real love from the Bible, was it what you thought it was?

Love was defined differently than I would have described it. It was enlightening for me the first time I read it. After reading it, I don’t think any of us are born being truly loving people, it’s not natural, we are much more self-centered (think about babies) Love is something we learn overtime by practicing it and choosing it over what real love is not. Real love is a choice we make, not a feeling we feel. The “feeling” by itself is lust; it’s not love. Love is a choice of compassion.

This knowledge is helpful when evaluating “love” and evaluating ourselves in life- how loving are we? And definitely knowledge we need to comprehend before we make a life time commitment to someone; both parties deserve that.

by Categories: Dating, Entertainment, Face Fear, FAITH, FAMILY, FRIENDSHIP, HAPPINESS, Improvement, Letting Go, Love, Make It Count, MUSIC, RELATIONSHIPS, Sex, WellnessTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

2019 – Making God the Priority

2 am this morning and I wake up like it’s time to get prepared for the day, except it’s not! But a clear thought was in my head:

“All action eventually leads to a result – based on the priority we give it.”

If you review the titles of my prior blogs, you will see they are a journal of life events over the past four years (since 2016), searching for happiness and life purpose, leading to change along the way. In hindsight, the past four years went by so quickly but I’m not yet where I want to be in life. I hesitated in writing anything reflecting on 2019 because I can only describe it as one of the most challenging years of my life in almost every aspect (everything I prioritized in life was in turmoil); the positive highlights are the only things I posted on social media.

Having my priorities in life in turmoil, led me to the darkest time of my life, so dark that I was truly ready for my life to be over which further complicated my life by paralyzing my ability to accomplish anything that was a priority to me. Before I scare anyone I know reading this, I do not believe in suicide and that was never an option for me: I believe only God holds that authority to end a life; not us. A few who are closest to me suggested seeing a counselor to get through this, which I did, but was ineffective for me unfortunately. I wanted help getting through this time in my life, but it didn’t happen from the outside, so I stopped. But I knew that I needed help. It was finally at this point when I truly gave up on everything and tried one more way for help: I thought: if God created everything, He can do the impossible; then He is the only way I will get through this.

My first realization: While I was partially focused on changing my way of living, I wasn’t completely. Looking back to something I wrote years ago (2017) about Trust and Obey shows my resistance to obedience. As I’ve heard before: we keep experiencing the same results until we learn the lesson. And 2019 was living proof that it’s not enjoyable continuing the lessons, it’s easier to be obedient to God’s commands.

My second realization: I was still putting other things/sources before God; I wasn’t completely trusting God to make the significant changes in my life.

I started reading the bible, obsessed with trying to gain wisdom and understanding from the bible to get through this time because it was my only hope. While reading it, I realized I never truly “Surrendered to God” like I thought I did a couple years ago. I believed I surrendered, when I asked God to guide me, but I was still living how I wanted to live and doing everything based on my own feelings. After reading the bible, it became clear: I needed to change the way I was living. I read about peace, joy, contentment, no anxiety, no worries in all times of life, but I wasn’t experiencing that and didn’t understand why it wasn’t happening for me, when so many wrote about that experience in the bible? I needed that.

It was when I paid attention to a certain detail in the bible that I found the answer. There were people who were baptized by someone, but didn’t receive the Spirit of God. I know this is an “out there” kind of statement for many people, but it’s in the bible and I have faith. Here are the supporting verses from the bible:

“because the Holy Spirit had not yet come on any of them; they had simply been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus” Acts 8:16 NIV

“For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit” Acts 1:5 NIV

“Then I remembered what the Lord had said: ‘John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.‘ Acts 11:16 NIV

“Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” Matthew 28;19 NLT

John the Baptist baptized people in preparation for Jesus, this baptism was for repentance (deep sorrow for a past sin, wrongdoing, regret for past action), but the Holy Spirit is what people need for guidance, strength and true life change.

“I didn’t know he was the one, but when God sent me to baptize with water, he told me, ‘The one on whom you see the Spirit descend and rest is the one who will baptize with the Holy Spirit.’ John 1:33 NLT

“As Jesus came up out of the water, he saw the heavens splitting apart and the Holy Spirit descending on him like a dove.” Mark 1:10 NLT

“I baptize with water those who repent of their sins and turn to God. But someone is coming soon who is greater than I am- so much greater that I’m not worthy even to be his slave and carry his sandals. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire.” Matthew 3:11 NLT

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness” Galatians 5:22 NLT

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere- in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” Acts 1:8 NLT

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 NLT

“So you received the message with joy from the Holy Spirit in spite of the severe suffering it brought you. In this way, you imitated both us and the Lord.” 1 Thessalonians 1:16 NLT

“But you have received the Holy Spirit, and he lives within you, so you don’t need anyone to teach you what is true. For the Spirit teaches you everything you need to know, and what he teaches is true- it is not a lie. So just as he has taught you, remain in fellowship with Christ.” 1 John 2:27 NLT

“So how does a person become filled with the Holy Spirit?” was my next question.

“He is the Holy Spirit, who leads to all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you.” John 14:17 NLT

“Peter replied, “Each of you must repent of your sins and turn to God, and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” Acts 2:38 NLT

When we live our lives as Jesus showed by his actions and advice (turning away from sin), we are able to receive the Holy Spirit.

“Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Ephesians 5:18 NLT

“But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.)” Romans 8:9 NLT

“And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.” Ephesians 4:30 NLT

Changing the way we live:

“With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity. But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God-truly righteous and holy. So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. ‘And don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them…Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4: 17 -32

My third realization: Even though 2019 was one of my worst years ever, it brought me closer to God.

My fourth realization: This is something else that I found throughout the bible: God uses hardships to draw people closer to Him – that must be what has been happening in my life. There are numerous examples and stories in the bible about this.

My fifth realization (this morning):

“All action eventually leads to a result – based on the priority we give it.”

Seeking God daily by listening to encouraging, motivational bible derived messages that apply to every day living (click for a resource I access) (website) or reading something from the bible that’s relevant to a feeling I’m experiencing through this app (click here) appears to be making a difference for me: I truly am much more at peace with life even when it’s not easy, I have more patience, calmness, almost no anxiety, even though I should based on circumstances, I don’t have it, I trust that God will take care of it, if I do what is right. And after I started changing my ways, truly unexpected numerous good things began happening in my life.

This experience made me realize that God needs to remain THE priority in my life. This is wisdom from the bible: “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33

by Categories: Face Fear, FAITH, FAMILY, FRIENDSHIP, HAPPINESS, Improvement, Love, Make It Count, RELATIONSHIPS, WellnessTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

What is my (our) Purpose in Life?

About five years ago, this question became more important to me: “What is my purpose in life?”

(To be honest, this question was lingering in me, unrecognized as a teenager too, but I never put much thought into it. I would make decisions about my future when I felt like I was running out of time, and had to choose something, then I’d quickly make a decision, go with it, figuring out how to make it work over time.)

As time passed, I truly wanted to know the answer because I felt like there had to be more to life. I felt like I had been wasting time, and didn’t want to continue this way, so I started searching for the answer. I can remember thinking: “We can’t just be here to eat, sleep, and do whatever it is that keeps us busy during the day and night?” There should be something more important, more meaningful in life, than “existing and taking up space:” a Purpose.

I finally stumbled upon the answer to this question in the Bible:

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

So the answer is: God created each of us with a specific purpose to fulfill. But when we find an answer like this, let’s be honest: “Who is looking to do MORE work and have MORE responsibilities than we already have?” Probably not many, UNLESS the REWARD is worth it, right? So is the reward worth it? YES! For this answer to be personally true, meaningful and understood for each of us, it requires a relevant context, because without that, we are probably not interested.

So why is this information relevant to each and every person?

It is relevant because it affects our future: what happens to us and is something that only we, personally, can direct, through our daily choices. To receive the reward, we must have faith in Jesus, however we will be judged on our faith through our actions (our works and obeying the Ten Commandments). “Faith without works is dead.” James 2:14-26

So why would we trust what the Bible has to say?

The information in the Bible is from God, our creator, Who speaks only in truth, and reveals some of the mysterious aspects of our existence through the Bible about what is happening and why it is happening. The Bible is an historical book providing reasons why some events took place, giving proof of God through miraculous events, prophesies that came true and through living proof when Jesus was present on earth and teaching, died and rose from the dead. All of this was done to help us, strengthen us and for God to see what choice we will make once we find out and learn about this. (Think about this: Have you ever evaluated a relationship to see if it was worthwhile? That’s what God’s doing with us: He’s giving us a choice about a relationship with Him.)

The Bible is like an “open book test”: the answers are there, but will we seek them and then apply them to be successful? What we are experiencing in our lives right now is something more significant in process: it is a test with a significant reward (heaven/eternal life), if we are successful and horrible consequences (hell) if we fail. So this is why it is important to know what’s in the Bible and apply what we learn.

This is personal: the best way to get answers to our individual questions is by reading the Bible and praying for the understanding of what we read, because this is how God communicates with us; God will provide clarity, directly to each of us when we are looking for answers in the Bible and through prayer. Seek God first in everything. (Matthew 6:33)

So getting back to our purpose in life, I wondered: We were created to do what specific “good works”?

Doing these “good works” and obeying is evidence of our Faith, which is required to receive God’s reward and our life right now is a TEST. The day-to-day “worldly” things that we experience and worry about are truly UNIMPORTANT and INSIGNIFICANT when we understand the high level reason we were created and what we should have our focus. There is so much to focus on in life, but if we make God the priority and focus in our minds, everything else will fall into place. That’s why the Bible tells us not to worry: God provides what we need in support of His plan for us. (Side note: this also explains the reason for some unanswered prayers.) This also requires faith; we have to have faith in God to really believe that He provides, but little by little as our faith grows, we start seeing this come true, which grows our faith.

Getting back to “good works” I also found this answer:

“We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.” Romans 12:6

The gifts, given by God for the purpose God determined when He created us, are:

  1. Prophesying: boldly proclaiming God’s word
  2. Serving: physical and spiritual help provided to others
  3. Teaching: applying information from the Bible in a clear, accurate and understanding way to others
  4. Encouraging: motivating others to take action and fulfill their purpose
  5. Giving: providing material and financial resources to others
  6. Leading: various Leadership Roles
  7. Showing Mercy: comforting those in need

What gift is mine?

When we work using the specific gift we were created for, our actions happen with ease, we are comfortable and enjoy what we are doing, using the gift feels natural to us, personally. The specific gift we were given is also something that others will notice in us, and likely tell us we seem so “natural” in our actions when operating in that way.

Life is complicated, but the overall simple goal and purpose for us is to Love. Love God and each other.

In summary: God created each of us for a specific purpose of His, and provides us unique gifts to fulfill His plan; which also means every person is very important and is here for a reason!

by Categories: Dating, entrepreneur, Face Fear, FAITH, FAMILY, Following Passions, FRIENDSHIP, HAPPINESS, Improvement, Letting Go, Love, Make It Count, RELATIONSHIPS, WellnessTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Being “called”

Have you ever heard someone say “I was called to …”? I have before, and often thought with a bit of skepticism and doubt: “How did THAT happen?” when I heard someone say that. A little concern about “brain wash,” or “over compensating” to be honest.

Does that happen “magically” one day? How does one know that is happening? Is the person saying this to make themselves seem important or special? What’s the ulterior motive in this? Are they going to be judging me now because of this? then…I don’t know if I can relate to them anymore…

I can’t tell you what it is like for others, but I can tell you what this is like for me and the only reason I’m writing this is because maybe this is happening to you and you don’t recognize it? Because I didn’t. I was opposite of “that” person who received a calling (I never knew what my purpose was, or what I should be doing); just an average “normal” person. But something in me is changing over time, for years in fact, VERY gradually. So gradually, that I didn’t recognize it was happening, until now.

How did it start?

Hindsight always makes everything clearer. As a child, I learned about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. I learned how to pray. I believed in what I was taught and off and on, randomly, throughout life at various times, I prayed but not consistently. I always seemed to keep my belief, but the belief was often buried and personal and I lived a “normal” life.

How did it progress?

  • My conscience. My inner conscience would conflict with the way I was living and as I struggled with the conflict, I would make gradual changes, a little at a time. I made bad decisions and then suffered the consequences, over and, over and, over again! There is a quote about change:

CHANGE occurs when the PAIN of doing the same is GREATER than the FEAR/UNCOMFORTABLE process of CHANGE.

  • Other people in my life: mentors, those whom I respected influenced me: not by “preaching” to me; I didn’t want or need that, but by me paying attention to how they lived, by the example they gave, by their actions, not by their words and through the respect I had towards them. This contributed to my inner conscience tugging of knowing right from wrong. And honestly, those who were not living in a “biblical” way also had an influence on me: I could see the pain they brought into their lives by their actions, similar to my own pain. I wanted change, but didn’t know how.
  • Finding a church that felt welcoming. I participated in a few churches over the years, but always felt like an “outsider.” I believed in the biblical teachings, but didn’t get a good feeling/connected feeling from the people who were there. I didn’t fit in, so I didn’t participate fully. Years went by and because of a tragedy/death, I visited a non-denomination church, one that many people had suggested to me, but I didn’t even give it a chance; I thought it was “too different” from what I knew growing up. It was different, but why didn’t I realize the obvious: It WAS different, and all along I never felt like I connected anywhere else, so why did I resist trying something new? I was looking for something different! I don’t have the answer to that question, but do know that it took a tragedy to get me there; the year was 2015. I started going to church occasionally, then started getting more involved in exploring and understanding what this church was all about. I found a connection here. It was a non-denomination, Christian church, based on the direct teachings of the Bible and nothing else. Every question was answered with: “What does the bible tell us?”
  • Exploring the bible. This was something I never accomplished: reading the entire bible, and I still haven’t, but I found there are too many things that pointed me back to the Bible being the truth and knowing that various religions acknowledge what is in the Bible, but have different beliefs. For example, Jesus. I was amazed to find out that Muslims acknowledge that Jesus lived; but they do not believe He was the Son of God. I knew Jewish people felt the same, but also acknowledge Jesus’ existence. I also thought: how could this book survive over 2,000 years if there wasn’t a strong basis in truth that was passed on for generations? 2016 was the year of exploring this non-denomination church further and by 2017 I decided I needed to “Surrender to God” knowing that I needed change and wanting God to direct my life.

What happened during this change?

Well in my mind, I had the following expectations: once I “surrendered to God” my life would be peaceful, without pain and wonderful. I was wrong! Almost immediately bad things started happening in my life: personally, financially, relationally; some of the worst hardships I ever experienced. I struggled more than ever and I didn’t understand why this was happening, but I still had hope that I did the right thing, things would turn around and I kept faith in God to see me through all this. So then 2018 arrives and I’m still hopeful, there were many good things that happened that year, and I focused on the good, but the bad was still weighing heavily on me and I was still struggling. Then I was again hopeful about 2019, but 2019 was even harder than the prior two years that I thought were the worst I had experienced. Almost everything was going opposite of good and getting worse, not better. This was not the “story” I expected!

Reflection: In 2017, I considered getting baptized as an adult in this new church (even though I was Baptized as a child and Confirmed later- I went through the motions in doing this Confirmation, because that was what everyone else did. I recall my confirmation was a renewal of the baptism beliefs my parents said on my behalf and I still had those same beliefs, so I was Confirmed).

This “new” baptism commitment, that was offered and happening at this church, was different to me as an adult. To me, this meant if I did it, I am making a promise to God to live my life according to his commands, no loopholes, no excuses for behavior, no leniency. I decided in 2018, while I was changing for the better, I wasn’t ready to completely change and make that commitment. In 2019, I questioned it again: why I should consider being baptized, if I made the commitment personally to God, then why would I need to be so “public” with it? Is it for show? So I didn’t go through with it again.

During 2019, I started looking up things in the bible to gain knowledge and answers about questions I had. And I started reading a little here and there with the end goal eventually getting through the bible over time. Then one night before I went to bed, I decided to randomly open the bible and read whatever I opened, hoping that God would give me some insight into my life and struggles. Wow! So I opened it to the book of Job and started reading: It started with Satan telling God he could gain Job’s soul basically. Satan took control over Job’s life and destroyed everything about it, convinced that Job would reject God. The majority of the book was Job questioning why this was happening and why God was doing this to him (but God wasn’t, Job didn’t understand) when Job was living his life in accordance with God’s commands, bad was happening. He challenged God, was angry with God because he felt unjustifiably harmed, but maintained his faith and trust in God throughout all the bad that was happening in his life. His friends even thought he was being punished for doing wrong and told him he needed to repent and ask for forgiveness. As I was reading this, it’s a long book, I had to skip to the end because it was so depressing and it was making me even more sad, feeling like giving up. I could relate it to my life and how I was feeling about all the bad in it, I wanted to know how the story ended. I was glad to see in the end that God restored Job and Job’s life was even better than it had been in the past. The story taught hope through perseverance. That was what I needed.

Again in 2019, I found, exploring the Bible, more answers to questions I had, but again, these were not the answers that I wanted. They were answers that caused me even more pain, sadness and loss of hope. It was so painful to me that I decided to speak with a Pastor, which I did a couple times. And it was helpful, I gained insight into parts of the Bible I had not yet explored and it gave me hope once again.

At the same time, I talked to my sister, who has always been one of strong faith and she introduced me to a Bible app that she has used before and found beneficial. She texted me a link so I decided to download the app and explore what was in it. I was completely amazed at how much work went into creating this app and how effective this app is. Everything is from the Bible (you can choose what version you use; I use the NIV version) and there are reading plans for every question or situation you could imagine. You can search a word and it will find biblical passages or reading plans that relate to your interests or questions or situation. This is something so helpful, the app will audibly read the bible to you, so you can listen when you are driving, or before you go to bed, or anytime you need, or want it and it’s a resource you have with you all the time, because it’s on your phone. You can download it here: https://www.youversion.com/the-bible-app/

Conclusion.

I am still on this slow journey, but I do believe that God put people in my life and allowed things to happen in my life to bring me back, wake me up, make me change my ways and I am committed more than I’ve ever been to doing this. My story hasn’t finished, but I’m realizing through this series of events, that I am “being called” to make a change in my life.

by Categories: Face Fear, FAITH, Following Passions, HAPPINESS, Improvement, Letting Go, Love, Make It Count, RELATIONSHIPS, WellnessTags: , , , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

Surrendering to God – 2017

What Happened when I chose to Surrender 2017 to God – An Intentional Spiritual Journey and Journal

IDEA

I just woke up after accidentally falling asleep, I must have been asleep for 1.5 hours, it is Sunday, January 15, 2017 and this idea came to me:  documenting the upcoming year in one blog but waiting until then end of the year to publish it.  I don’t know the story yet; this could also be an interesting study in faith.

(I start out pretty detailed and then realized no one will want to read all this!  So it becomes less detailed but still summarizes how I spent the entire year (it may be relevant in the future) There is a Summary/Conclusion at the end, so bear with me, or if you’re like me, skip the details and scroll to the very end!)

WHAT CAUSED THE IDEA

Earlier today, I attended service online via The Crossing STL, and the message was:  we need to be still at times to connect with God (Psalm 46:10): meaning don’t save our prayers for “on the go” multi-tasking moments, because we are not fully present to connect when we have other stuff going on.  I am a restless person, I’m always thinking, but this gave me a different choice:  Be Still.  So, after the 9 am service was over, about 10 am, I became still, cleared my mind, in my room, in my bed and focused on God asking him to guide me with His intended purpose for my life.  One of my prior stated goals for 2017 was to pray every day, and I’ve been doing that. I’ve also acted on whatever thoughts popped into my head in the morning when I wake and I’m not sure this is always the right thing to do (especially recently when I didn’t remember if I asked God for guidance), but it’s my intuition that I’m acting on.  This is Faith, the faith I’m putting in The Holy Spirit/Jesus/God to provide me with “the direction of the day” when I wake.  When I became “still” at 10 am, before I knew it, it was 11:30 am and I just woke up.  Wow, I’m getting good at this napping thing, which I NEVER did before, I could never fall asleep in the middle of the day unless I was sick, my mind would always come up with thoughts and those thoughts would keep me awake, but this was a different experience!  I woke up in a cheerful mood too, which is most common for me, but when I woke up from my night sleep this same day, I had a little bit of anxiety, from acting on a wake up thought from yesterday, Saturday:  sending a “facing fear” kind of message to a friend (who didn’t reply), so I was thinking maybe I shouldn’t have sent that?! But there is no way to take it back once it’s out there. It’s finished. So, for me to wake up without stress after my nap, that’s a positive already!

img_7825

SPECIFIC GOALS

My goal for each day in 2017 is: at night, before sleeping, say a pray of gratitude, then clear my head/meditate until I fall asleep and in the morning:  say a prayer asking for daily guidance.  I’m excited about this, hopefully it will be an interesting and exciting positive year!

THE FIRST WEEK – EXPERIENCES ALREADY?!  FEELING DRAINED

I had an incredible weekend with my kids: connecting with them individually, laughing and enjoying time spent with them, I am so grateful!

But, being honest, right after the good times, when I felt like all was going so well, I came to the realization that a few friendships I had were finished. It happened subtly over time, not an event at all; it was just one of those moments when I realized it was time for me to move on; but at the same time it hit me hard because I care about them and I am sad, but seemed like the right thing to do. There are times when it makes sense to put in the effort to keep a friendship going and there are also times when it’s best to just let it go.  And it was the “let it go” time for me.  This was not how I was anticipating the start of my “spiritual intercession journey” at all, because I care about my friends.  But I’m having faith that there is a reason for this, and maybe someday I will know.  (After all this, later in the year I realized the friendships didn’t actually end, it was simply a break! But we never realize these things until time passes and we look back!)  Heading into the weekend, at this moment, I am drained, I feel like doing nothing, but staying in bed or lounging on the couch.  I don’t want to be around anyone. My bubbly, happy, positive, cheerful self is crashing right now.

Donald Trump becomes the 45th President- this was the first inauguration I watched, so I don’t have anything to compare it to, but I thought his speech was touching and look forward to the future with hope.

donald-trump

I’m not sure if this is appropriate to enter here, because it’s really a culmination of recent events but it’s hitting me hard on this date.  There was so much fun, excitement, and new change that I was experiencing that kept me going, positive, looking forward, but tonight, I’ve gone to a depressing place I’ve not been in a long time, and I don’t like it.  It could be grief that I am dealing with from all that happened in 2016.  I was non-stop and didn’t have hardly any quiet time last year to deal with reality, or if I did have the time, I chose to do something active rather than experiencing the grief.

Seeing bright sunshine in the morning made my next day start better.  But I had two full days of crying, I guess getting it out of my system was what I needed, I’ve not been motivated either, only trying to stay focused on what absolutely needs to be done.

SUNDAY JANUARY 22ND 2017 – TRYING TO REFOCUS

I went to church, by myself, and the staff talked about upcoming programs, which they have mentioned in the past, about getting involved and one was starting on Monday, so I signed up online Sunday night:  “Body Life”  the focus is on the church community and relationships and is a basic class for members to take before getting involved.  So this week, again I was disorganized just trying to keep on top of the most important things, but still distracted.

FRIDAY 1/27/17 – TEMPORARY RELIEF, AN “ESCAPE FROM REALITY” AGAIN

Then Friday night, I had a ticket to the Parmalee concert at Ballpark Village, of course, friends who were planning on going, couldn’t. So once again, I attended the concert solo, this is the second concert this year, that I attended solo, the first was the Red Hot Chili Peppers, concerts are easy going solo because I love music, so it doesn’t matter. But on this night, I didn’t follow through with my 30 Days to Healthy Living, I was close to the end of the 30 days, but with everything that was going on, I decided to have a Redbull and Vodka drink to stay awake, but also calm down, because I didn’t get much sleep the night before, and had a lot on my mind.  The night turned out great, a couple of people I ended up standing next to, invited me to join their group after they found out I was there alone, which was nice.  Then one of the waiters remembered me from last year’s winter concerts, kinda funny,…and said he would look out for me, so sweet!  He had been an awesome waiter with my friends and me last year.  Then the band played new songs…one was:

that haven’t been released, which was awesome because I have seen them 3 times in the past year; they are one of my favorites, so it was good to hear new music. I can’t wait for it to be released, good music!  So after the concert, Parmalee announced they would be hanging out at PBR.  Going there crossed my mind, but instead I decided to go home because I didn’t think it would be appropriate hanging out at a bar, by myself!  So I decided to post a picture on Instagram from the night and was leaning up against a column near the exit, just before I was about to leave and heard: “Excuse us please” …it was the security guards escorting the band to a room I was standing near.  I looked up and said “hello” There was a spot for a meet and greet with only 2 people there at the time, so I went there and texted my daughter to see if she wanted a Tshirt or anything while I was there, and ended up with this picture:

parmalee-01-2017

The night turned out good, I went home and talked with my daughter and her friend until midnight when her friend left and then my daughter and I ended up talking until 1 am.  Good time spent together!

SATURDAY 1/28/17 – FAMILY TIME

My phone has been blowing up with unexpected texts and messages from people that I least expected wanting to make plans.  So I made plans with them. The rest of this day is dedicated to my mom and kids, celebrating her Birthday (which was yesterday) doing what she said she wants: family time and home cooked meals.  Plus we are going to see the movie: “A Dog’s Purpose” tonight.  So my spirits are lifted!   For the weekend, I was uplifted.

family-time

“BAD LUCK” STRIKES – SLUGGISH, UNMOTIVATED, QUIET, SAD AND TRYING TO GET OVER THAT FEELING

Then Sunday afternoon I pulled into the garage and once inside after the door closed, the spring snapped and trapped my car there until late Monday afternoon.   I had to reschedule meetings for the day and get my son to school a different way.  And some awesome friends helped me out too:  Angie S., Lisa A. and Beth S. For the next week, I was unmotivated and struggling; I tried to get out of the mood, but would only for a temporary amount of time, when I was working out or listening to music.  My friends planned a weekend trip to see Florida Georgia Line, but I wasn’t up for it this time, very unlike me.  So I stayed in town and decided to take my car to get the tires rotated, which needed to be done. Well several hours later, after visiting the dealership too, I found out from two opinions that I needed some major work done to fix my car: $2,600.  That’s Murphy’s law isn’t it?  Things tend to snowball, good or bad for me!

I ended up going out Saturday night for sushi and a live comedy show with my good friend, Beth.  It was good to laugh hard. I worked out in the morning then spent Superbowl Sunday with another group of friends which was fun, but still not back to my usual self. Monday class at BodyLife, I was not very talkative and felt down, then Kelly B. texted me right after class making last minute plans to get together after work on Tuesday with a third good friend, Christi J, whom I haven’t seen in so long; so I was looking forward to it.

FRIENDS WHO LIFT US UP

My friend Beth helped me out, again, picking me up in the morning after I dropped my car off for a full day of repairs.  Tuesday evening was motivating, Kelly B., Christi J. and I met at Brick Tops Restaurant and just couldn’t stop talking, discussing plans, ideas, ventures, catching up, etc.  It definitely elevated my mood.

friends-at-bricktops

 

PURPOSE/FAITH

Part of the “BodyLife” class is discovering our personal gifts.  I took two tests to determine what my natural gifts might be and the top 3 from the first test were:

  1. Faith
  2. Mercy
  3. Leadership

The second test I did indicated:

  1. Faith
  2. Hospitality
  3. Tied: Mercy, Creative Communications, Wisdom

I guess my next step is figuring out how to serve based on those gifts.

MID FEBRUARY- STILL IN A RUTT

Despite daily prayer twice a day, I’m still struggling with this mood I’m in and I don’t like it, but can’t seem shake it.  A lot happened last year and I’m wondering if this indoor winter season gray skies is affecting me?  Or is it grief from my dad passing away this past Father’s Day?  Whatever it is, I want it to end ASAP!  Church keeps reminding me God’s timing is perfect but doesn’t align with our timing. Patience, yes that is my problem, I am not patient; I do things quickly.  I’ve been working on patience and maybe that is what I’m being taught?

This weekend is supposed to be unseasonably warm, close to 70 degrees and my friends and I are hitting the Soulard Mardis Gras – Taste of Soulard.  I’m excited about that most definitely!  Can’t wait!

taste-of-soulard-event

Several friends dropped out, or couldn’t make it due to good reasons, and the one remaining seems to be wanting to cut the event short, which is completely unlike her normally.  Kevin Hart nailed it in this YouTube clip…I’m feelin it!!  I understand this is part of life and it’s okay.  I can do whatever I want with, or without people,  but it is always more fun with people, than alone!  I decided to add some positivity to my chalkboard:

laissez-les-bon-temps-rouler

So Friday, I woke up thinking: “stop being a whiner; focus on helping other people!” and I’m in a good mood too! Turning point?

So late afternoon I get a text from my one friend, most likely canceling for tomorrow.  So question…do I really do this alone?  Uber?  The weather is just sooo nice, I love the festival atmosphere, but who to talk to?  How awkward will this be? I went solo to a St. Pat’s parade years ago and ended up meeting a group of people that I actually spent all summer with and we all went on a lake trip mid summer too, with one of my girl friends it was so much fun that summer.  I just might do it again?  I just know if I stay home, I will be regretting it all day…so I guess I’ll “face fear” again!  I’m going…there….decided.  Well my original friend did cancel, but then to my surprise, two friends who were not sure if they could go, texted, telling me they can go!  Yay!  It all worked out.

MARDI GRAS

We had a great time and ended up going both days…

BACK TO WORK THE NEXT WEEK

I had a productive work week in commercial real estate and started a new Instagram account for my Arbonne business (working on it until 2 am) on Saturday night.

https://www.instagram.com/franchise_4_u/

MY MOTIVATION: TRAVEL

So another passion of mine is traveling.   I’m always ready to go; I absolutely love it and will do it any chance I get, so this year, I made some travel plans for March and April and can’t wait for those trips. The trips give me something to look forward to!

March 2017: Spring Break with mom, visiting relatives in California and sightseeing

April 2017:  Arbonne Conference – Las Vegas (and I bought a ticket to see

The Chainsmokers!!! I’m going solo, but this is one concert I am really looking forward to seeing and it doesn’t matter!)

May 2017:  (Background) Last year, late one afternoon, after pulling into the garage I received a phone call from a Colorado area code.  I work with a real estate team located in Denver occasionally, so I answered the call thinking it might be them.  It happened to be a time share spokesperson calling with a discounted vacation package to Breckenridge, so I figured since I was going through the divorce at the time, I might need this getaway within the next couple years so I bought it. (This year) So this year I have my kids for Memorial Day and we don’t have plans so I thought maybe we should use that trip and bike ride, zipline, go rafting etc., so I booked it, but before I bought the airfare, I happened to think about this again; the weather isn’t going to be ideal temperatures…what was I thinking?!  Then I started looking for places in South Carolina, Florida, but I also have experienced rain in the gulf area of Florida in May. So after a few hours of searching, I ended up booking a trip to Arizona!  The desert!  We should get good sunshine and warm weather there!  So I postponed the Denver trip and we are headed to Arizona in May!

June 2017:  Following our Mardi Gras weekend, and me being on the lookout for events, I found the CMA Fest in Nashville in June….all it took was one text to them and I got an immediate “Book It”….so we are going!  I’m slowing down on the trips after this because I may have another business trip in October which may coincide with Denver or there may be two separate trips, but either way, I am ready! This is going to be my Travel Year!  I forgot to mention that I may also go to Utah in late June with a couple other friends!

LAST CLASS AT CHURCH

I finished the 6 weeks of the “BodyLife”classes at The Crossing on this night and decided I should serve in some manner, but wasn’t sure of what to do.  I thought maybe “Outreach” to start, but most of the dates I had conflicts already, so I spoke with one of the Pastors and told her my top gift was “Faith” asking what would be a good match for that and the answer was, really anything!  She suggested the IT/Video production group, which is a little interesting to me, but also asked more questions about what is important to me, I felt passionate about helping teens. So I then spoke with the Pastor who heads up the Teen Program and it turns out their events are on Wednesday nights 7-9, so that might really work out best with my availability. I need to submit an application and then have interviews before this happens though.  At the end of our class, we were invited to write a prayer message on a rock that would be added to the new church site under construction, if we were ready to become a part of the church. I chose to do so and my message was “I surrendered to Jesus 2017; help me follow thru”

MARCH 2017

One of my favorite winter things to do is attend the Friday night concerts at Ballpark Village, on 3/3/17 I saw Canaan Smith for the first time and really enjoyed the concert.

SATURDAY NIGHT-CHURCH

I went to church with some friends 3/4/17 and we planned to check out the acoustic concert in the cafe afterwards.  There were some unusual things that happened that night. First, briefly into the service I thought I better silence my phone and as soon as I reached for my phone, my friend’s phone went off! Then, numerous times I was”thinking ahead” when the Pastor was talking and he actually said the things I was thinking. It was happening frequently enough that I noticed how weird it was. Then the message was something that was highly relevant to a conversation I had earlier in the week. So much so, that I had to send a message to that person which I usually don’t do in church, but this time I did.  As soon as I sent the message, Pastor Greg mentions the name of the person the conversation was about. It actually brought tears to my eyes.  I let the person know the next day what happened;  too many coincidences at one time, very strange.  The rest of the night was normal fun, nothing strange just a good time out with friends.

The highlight of this month was the trip to California to visit relatives.  This getaway was perfect in every way:  I was able to spend time with family, explore and be so distracted by the beautiful surroundings and mini-adventures; it was such an enjoyable trip.  I felt re-energized coming back home but also felt like “home” is temporary for me.  I really want to move away, but need to wait for the kids to get to college.  I wrote about the places we visited in this blog link.  One day back from traveling and I went to another concert, I had tickets for both kids but Lauren had to work since she missed hours/pay from her trip to the Bahamas and Nick wanted to hang out with a friend instead, so I went on my own.  It was a fun night, great band, Judah and the Lion; and yes music is a happy place for me!

I haven’t yet signed up to serve at church, but I need to do something soon.  I’ve just had a lot of changes that I’m adjusting to and trying to get settled: taxes coming up, new estimated tax payments as a 1099 instead of a W2 filing for 2017.  All new to me, and trying to get my personal finances, will, insurance, etc. in order too.  I’m a little unorganized right now but working towards getting settled.

I received an email from church looking for people to serve at Easter, so I signed up for Good Friday at 7 pm and filled out all the paper work.  I feel much better that I’ve finally taken action on this.

I enjoyed serving on Good Friday  4/15/17, I ended up with the Pre-K kids and they were so darling, fun, and interested in singing and playing.  They had so much fun while their parents attended church.

APRIL 2017

First part of the day, Beth and I went to the Battlegrounds Bootcamp at Kor Fitness and LOVED the experience!  Such great training and strategy on approaching the obstacles; I wish I had more weekends free to do more obstacle training but this was the only one I could fit into the schedule.  Excited thinking about the upcoming mud run even more now!

So once again, Saturday night, I had tentative plans to go to the April 1st Spring Opening Celebration at Cedar Lake Cellars Winery, but as time progressed more people were unable to go (and my friend Kelly suggested an alternative plan: the Cardinals Home Opener on Sunday, which sounded even better), so my choice was go to the winery solo on a Saturday night or volunteer at a fundraiser benefiting kids that my friend was chairing…well that was an easy decision: I volunteered.  Several friends were there volunteering too, so it was a fun, but late night, with the photos (our station) and surprisingly I met someone that evening.  I was not ready to meet anyone and actually tried to avoid it when I heard that someone asked about me; I  handled everything very awkwardly but this person was someone I had seen before, many times, although we never actually introduced ourselves, we were frequently in the same places, so much that my daughter and I had a running joke comment “there is that guy again!”  So I was curious, but nervous.  Then Sunday some friends and I went to the St. Louis Cardinals home opener and had so much fun once again, he was there with friends also and ended up meeting my friends. My friends liked him, so that made it easier.

It’s so nice having good friends to spend time with and the weather was beautiful too.  Springtime!

So, I decided I’d accept the offer to meet and we stayed in touch for awhile.  Being a mom, I was most concerned about my kids and this.  I didn’t want them to find out from anyone other than me, that I was going out with someone, but it was also way too soon for my kids to meet anyone, so I asked a generic question wondering if they would want to know whenever their Dad or I decided to go out with someone following the divorce.  And my daughter responded: “I don’t want to know anything!”  then immediately questioned: “Are you dating someone?”  Needless to say this didn’t go over well at all and I decided to not say anything to my son for now.  Fast forward, and this didn’t work out anyway! So I thought all those coincidences of repeatedly seeing this person were “a sign” that I should give it a try, but not in reality.  I also have always thought people come into our lives for a reason, but maybe it takes awhile to figure out why!   Relationships or getting to know someone is best left personal and not blasted out to the public, in my opinion.   It works out, or it doesn’t, and the world doesn’t need to be involved!

On April 29th I joined a long time mentor in my life, Vicki, who has been such an advocate in helping others and mentoring, ever since I first knew her.  She had a table for the annual fundraiser/auction for Safe Connections and invited me and a guest to join her. I was pretty moved by the stories as well as the 500 attendees who were there supporting the organization in their 10th year.  It made me think more about what I need to do for others and how important it is to give back in some way.

Concerts:

Zed’s Dead and Hippie Sabatoge

MAY 2017

This month was a busy and fun one with music, travel and fitness:  Eric Church Concert, The Battlegrounds Mud Run and the Phoenix Arizona Trip.

JUNE 2017

This month was more concerts and more travel:

Luke Bryan/Brett Eldredge concert

Nashville during the CMA fest

Muse & 30 Seconds to Mars Concert

Tour of UNC visiting Nashville and Banner Elk, NC.

Florida Georgia Line Concert with Nelly 

311 Concert

Visiting the newly opened Tin Roof STL.

JULY 2017

This month again I kept very busy with more concerts and events:  the way timing worked out, I didn’t have my kids for almost 3 weeks, so I had to occupy my time with something fun and it was packed with events!

Sports:

I went to the Cardinals Game with some friends.

Live Music:

Tin Roof STL again

Jake Owen and Dan + Shay Concert on the 4th of July

Sam Hunt concert (had to take down my post due to reported copyright infringement)

One Republic Concert (my first time seeing them, one of the top concerts I saw this             year –  an unexpected surprise)

Third Eye Blind Concert

St. Louis Magazine – A List Party with Broseph Lee performing

Kip Moore Concert

Jason Aldean and Kane Brown concert

Echo & The Bunnymen with the Violent Femmes concert

Nickelback concert with Chris Daughtry

Dierks Bentley Concert,Cole Swindell, John Pardi

Country Line Dancing:

Stovall’s Grove

AUGUST 2017

More music and travel this month:

Incubus, Jimmy Eats World and Judah and the Lion

Taste of St. Louis (Chesterfield)

A trip to Washington DC

Lady Antebellum, Kelsey Ballerini, and Brett Young

The Solar Eclipse

Zac Brown band

SEPTEMBER

Getting back to the subject of Surrendering to God, I’ve been attending church frequently throughout this year, more than ever before, and praying most every day and night since I made that decision in January 2017.  I guess I had expectations that my life would change for the better right away, but it didn’t, I actually had things I didn’t want happening, happen to me, but I also had good things happen at the same time.  At this point in the year, I have to say that I may have learned something from all of this and that is:  Patience!  Patience has been a struggle of mine forever but I’ve learned to be patient, and it definitely reduces stress in my life.  Patience and letting go, not forcing anything, these were two significant experiences that truly changed my outlook on life and how I respond to change, or lack of change!

More music, events and travel this month:

Labor Day weekend at the lake– non stop laughs and relaxation!

Sublime, Offspring, The Urge

Ballpark Village entertaining clients

Brantley Gilbert, Luke Combs, Tyler Farr

This concert was such an unexplained mix of events and Tyler Farr’s song “Damn Good Friends” really summed up the night. Looking back on the night, it was one of those evenings that is best summed up numerous times: if this hadn’t happened, then that wouldn’t have happened.  Hindsight puts things in a different perspective and sometimes it seems that things happen for a reason in our lives.

Wildwood BBQ Bash/Drake White

Brad Paisley

Colorado Trip to see the Aspens

OCTOBER

Cedar Lake Cellars

Football: KC Chiefs Game vs. Pittsburgh Steelers

Satchmo’s to see Johnny Henry perform

Montelle Winery in Augusta

NOVEMBER

Drinks and Movie night out with Friends

Birthday Celebration with Friends

I decided to become more involved with Music, since that is what I’m continuously            drawn towards so I took action and signed up as a volunteer with Sofar Sounds.

Lantern Festival

Smithfield at Tin Roof STL

Bebe Rexa and Marc E Bassy (this one was canceled unfortunately because I was really looking forward to it!)

Tom Petty Tribute

Football: Green Bay Packers vs Baltimore Ravens

Nashville

DECEMBER

Lee Brice, Easton Corbin, Midland Concert (John SpicerBand substituted since they were snowed in Atlanta) – a memorable evening with another hindsight: if this hadn’t happened, then that wouldn’t have happened.

Old Dominion, Lo Cash, Walker Hayes

X Ambassadors

New Years Eve – ended with a quiet night at home, publishing this blog post, but the first event of the day was attending the Crossing, a great start of the day, click here for the recorded service and message it’s much better to listen directly but in summary, Tim Bounds covered one of the 10 Commandments:  regarding keeping holy “the Sabbath” the importance of giving ourselves a day of : REST (literally) , DELIGHT (enjoy what makes us happy:  friends, family, nature, etc) , WORSHIP (give thanks to God)  AND PEACE (note: Peace is not the absence of something, but the presence of Someone (God)- it’s a time to connect with God…it’s important that we all set aside time to personally connect with God

SUMMARY AND CONCLUSION

I arrived at a point in my life when I questioned everything about my life: my purpose, my decisions, my career, my relationships- absolutely EVERYTHING!  Looking back on my life there were definitely plenty of great moments, but I still felt like I unintentionally made bad decisions along the way and wanted that to stop, or at least lessen them, become a better person, and the only way to do that, in my thoughts, was to surrender it all to God, build a better relationship with God through prayer, because I obviously wasn’t doing exceptional at this life thing that was happening! 

This year I learned the following, from my personal experiences:

  1. Pray frequently:  in good times (be thankful and grateful) and bad times (ask for wisdom and guidance)- prayers are answered, but timing is not always understood until hindsight happens! 
  2. Accept the low points and bad experiences in life; those points are teaching moments and make us better people…so it’s really a positive thing in hindsight.
  3. Get comfortable being alone: take the time to improve: physically, spiritually, reflect on relationships and interactions with others, improve our personal skills during this time.
  4. Follow what we are drawn towards, even if it doesn’t make sense, don’t rush for the answers, stay in the moment experiencing everything, it will become clear with time and there will be a sense of calmness and peace when we eventually see why were drawn to something; it’s only in retrospect that we understand…just let it be, let it happen, naturally, unforced.
  5. Change equals growth; don’t fear it, there is something better on the other side!  Embrace change!
  6. Let go of what causes pain; experiencing pain is telling us something is not right, let it go: don’t hold on to anger about anything (it holds us back and keeps us in a bad place), pain teaches us lessons…”Pain is Gain” if we let go, we grow, improve and life becomes better!  
  7. Patience:  we have to be patient in order to follow through, because it all takes time and if we don’t develop patience, we will feel frustrated.  Patience is developed, it doesn’t come naturally; it’s something to acquire over time by letting go (the opposite of trying to control).
  8. People and relationships: come and go in our lives. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense “why” but I believe that people enter our lives to teach us something that we need, we will learn something from everyone, if we allow ourselves to be open minded.  People in our lives are extremely important: they can lift us up or bring us down, so learn to add more people that lift us up and eliminate time with those who bring us down or don’t support the same values as we have and be friendly to everyone you meet: kindness spreads kindness, if we want better relationships, it starts with each of us 
  9. Honesty: this is the foundation of any type of relationship; it means more than simply telling the truth: it means speaking up when something is important to us, it means not hiding something relevant, it means delivering the truth in a way that doesn’t hurt others, it means introspection about who we are, what we feel and what we need to improve about us (being authentic)
  10. But the greatest thing I finally understood was to love God above all (have faith, hope and trust) because everything comes from God.  Our individual and personal relationship with Him is the most important; He provides what we need.  There is no better way to explain this then to experience it personally; that’s the only way to grasp this concept, which probably doesn’t make sense unless you have faith, pray and then experience “unexplainable” things in your life, in retrospect.  That’s how it happened for me.   I grew up in a faith based home, so the faith concept was probably easier for me than for anyone who didn’t grow up that way.  If you struggle with this, but are open minded to explore and question everything, and are looking for a resource to grow spiritually: I recommend getting to know The Crossing, which is available online.  

I don’t like to admit this but, I grew up Catholic and when multiple friends first suggested this church to me, I pushed back and thought I’m not into that demonstrative religious service atmosphere (which is what I thought it was before I visited) :  my faith is between God and me,  I grew up conservative and that is very different to me!  However, I am also open minded enough, and know it’s not fair to draw a conclusion without exploring and experiencing it personally.  So that is what I did. I found The Crossing is led by well educated, knowledgeable, welcoming leadership who don’t force anything on anyone, but direct every question back to what is written in the Bible for answers.  This is a non-denomination Christian Church, a place where it’s okay to question whatever doesn’t make sense to us and grow in understanding through questioning.  Everyone is welcome.  I found that much of what I’ve learned through my religious education is supported by the Bible, and by this church, but I’m still learning, questioning and exploring the differences, and I’ve been participating in this church service since December of 2015, and now becoming more interested in exploring the differences and understanding why. This church also appealed to me personally because music is a passion of mine and is very present (as a form of worship) in this church.  I’ve never been to a church with greater musical talent than I’ve seen at The Crossing , truly incredible!  If you love music, you really should experience The Crossing.

 I realize 2017 was only the beginning: a year makes an impact, but there is more to come.  Surrendering all to God helped my perspective in life and someday in the future I will understand why I’m doing what I’m doing and see where it takes me; it’s a never ending commitment to improve, follow life with passion, purpose and ideally help, and be of value to others.  I’m excited and hopeful about the future!  Wishing you the best in 2018! It will be what you make it!

 

 

 

 

by Categories: Careers, Entertainment, entrepreneur, Face Fear, FAITH, FAMILY, FITNESS, Following Passions, FRIENDSHIP, HAPPINESS, Health and Beauty, Improvement, Letting Go, Make It Count, MUSIC, Nutrition, RELATIONSHIPS, TRAVEL, WellnessTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment