I’ve been wanting to write about this for a few years but have held back for many reasons, or have lightly touched on this topic in some of the first blogs I wrote because it’s a very sensitive subject and people have strong personal opinions and views of this. I hope what I write reaches at least one person and gives something to think about, then has a positive impact. “Life Lessons” is an appropriate summary.
I know you may not agree with this right away, but I’ve learned the hard way (from experience) so I think it’s true:
We keep receiving the same lessons in life until we learn from them.
Whoever is single right now will probably agree with this statement: there are a lot of messed up people out there. (LOL) But the irony in that statement is we all are a little messed up and in different stages of life. Different stages of life meaning: emotional maturity and spiritual maturity. This is really a personal issue, not always necessarily a “someone else” issue. If we are emotionally immature we may say it’s someone else’s issue, but it truly does start with taking an honest look at ourselves and realizing areas where we could be a better person (how an emotionally mature person would view it).
Some people become more laid back, easy going, the older they get, but some can be in their 90’s and still emotionally immature, so age doesn’t always guarantee emotional maturity, only physical maturity. I have seen how growing in spiritual maturity helps a person grow in emotional maturity and the opposite of that too: how someone who is not growing in spiritual maturity often lacks emotional maturity.
Love being single:
There are some people who enjoy being single, love the freedom and don’t want the obligation of a commitment. If a person truly stays single, only has friendships (without the ‘benefits’) that’s a choice and there is nothing wrong with that.
Claims to love being single:
There are those who claim to want to remain single, love the freedom, but then pursue someone, become involved with a person, or multiple people, then wreak havoc in other(s) lives. Someone who does this is not emotionally or spiritually mature and will continually be unsatisfied with life, constantly seeking happiness, but only finding fleeting moments, then frustration. And because those moments don’t last perpetually, it’s a lifetime cycle of this. (This is a selfish person)
Love being in a relationship:
There are some people who constantly need to be in a relationship. They feel insecure alone, so they jump from one “committed” relationship to another. Again, this person isn’t emotionally or spiritually mature to be comfortable being “single” so this person is very “needy” to the other person and exhausts them. This person is using the other person. (This is a selfish person)
Casual relationships:
There are some people who take a very casual approach to relationships. They just want the “high” they get from physical pleasure, and are truly never satisfied for very long. I don’t think emotionally mature is an accurate description of this, emotionally “numb” better describes it and also spiritually immature. (These are selfish people)
In all but the first example, a person typically ends up frustrated, or heartbroken, depending on which end you’re on. From experience, I believe before a person starts dating, it’s best to first work on spiritual maturity (which automatically grows emotional maturity), if you want to have a healthy/good relationship with someone someday.
The most important choice we will make in life is to choose God or reject God because that choice has eternal consequences. Everything else is temporary. If we choose God; He must be THE priority in our life.
I made mistakes in life. I didn’t do things this way, but life could have been a lot better if I had the order right from the start.
Start with God, seek Him in personal prayer, read and study the bible (know what’s in it), then make a decision: do you want what it offers? (How to get to Heaven) Do you believe it? If you believe, then ask God to take over EVERYTHING in your life, literally let go of control (we don’t really have control anyway) and give it to God. Basically, this means getting rid of pride, surrendering to God. Once you truly comprehend and believe, you will appreciate what Jesus did and you’ll want to show appreciation. God wants us to show our appreciation (love) by choosing to obey the 10 Commandments. At the same time, God knows we won’t be perfect at this, but He sees our true “hidden” intentions. If we choose to obey, God is forgiving when our intentions are good but we realize we made a mistake and ask for forgiveness and try again to do things better next time. If we choose to obey the Commandments, we can also ask God for the Holy Spirit’s power in helping us keep them. (These recommendations are not my personal thoughts, this is a summary from reading the bible.)
Once you have this knowledge, I am absolutely certain you will view life differently. It will cause you to view ALL relationships differently. The bible is a resource for living life; there are answers to the most important questions in life in it. It will help you become a better person, understand what love is, how to show love, it will help you identify and avoid red flags in people, it will prepare you for marriage (if that is your future intent) and knowing God will bring about a hard to explain “peace” when you wouldn’t have that “peace” without God. This is one of those experiences that can’t be explained, until you feel it for yourself. Don’t waste your time while you are single with meaningless activity; use it to improve your future life (and others). God gives blessings to those who will be blessings to others.
S.A.I.L. 