Tag: Church

Surrender? (Next Steps/Resources)

I should probably explain “Surrender.”

YOUR LIFE IS NOT WHAT YOU WANTED OR EXPECTED

First you realize your life isn’t happening the way you anticipated: you’ve been “let down,” or you’ve let others down, there’s a feeling of pain, suffering, disappointment, hurt, guilt, shame, or lack of enjoyment in life and you simply want those feelings to “go away!” You tried to solve this by: escaping from reality (numbing through alcohol or drugs), keeping busy with work so there is no extra time, moving from place to place to try a new venue, accumulating wealth or material things, avoiding people in general, isolation, or having shallow relationships with people to keep from being hurt, going from one relationship to another hoping to solve the problem, making plans to fill every moment of your day so there is no extra time, health and fitness focus (while this is good, excessively done it can be “an escape”) or travel (exploring the world), doing something to “keep busy” all the time. While some of these things are not necessarily “bad,” when they are done in excess, they keep you “busy,” keep you busy from “healing” because you are avoiding the real underlying problem. I say this from my own personal experience. Ultimately, feeling like this is the result of a distant relationship with God. Maybe you know “of” Him, you may have the “head” knowledge but you are not close to Him (you don’t “trust/love/obey” Him); you haven’t “surrendered” or received the Holy Spirit yet. You have this longing for something that remains unfulfilled. After you’ve tried some, or all of the things mentioned above, there remains an emptiness, a loneliness and you don’t know what else to do so you may ask yourself: “Is this all there is to life?” “Is this what life is like forever?”

SURRENDER

If you are fortunate, sometime during this process (above), you hear about “surrendering” it all to God (either through a church or a friend, or maybe even someone online) asking God for forgiveness of your sin, trusting in what Jesus did for you on the cross (enabling you to have access to God’s kingdom; the only way) and asking for the Holy Spirit to guide your life so you don’t go back to sin, but continue seeking God AND can enter God’s Kingdom. Since nothing else was solving the “emptiness” you feel, you decide to give it a try so you say a “surrender prayer.” But then what?

If you’re simply repeating words someone told you to say; if it’s not heartfelt, please understand these are not “magical words” so don’t expect anything to change.

But, the good news is if you understood what you were asking, affirming and requesting and were sincere when you prayed to God, it will happen (eventually) because God will guide you, but this still involves your participation. This isn’t an instantaneous event. There’s a lot to get to know about God. When you form a relationship with someone, you don’t truly know them instantaneously; it takes time. The same is true with God; He reveals more as you seek Him.

NEXT STEPS

PRAY: Pray as often as possible. The Bible actually says “pray without ceasing.” This is our communication with God. How can you grow a relationship with someone or know someone if you rarely talk to them? (You won’t truly know a friend (God), you’ll end up distant from a friend (God)- you’ll end up where you started: unfulfilled.) Pray before you go to bed; thank God for the good things that happened that day, ask Him for help with the trouble. In the morning, ask Him to guide. And throughout the day, instead of going to anyone else, talk to God about it first.

READ THE BIBLE: So how do you get to know God more? The best way is through reading and studying the Bible (daily) because it is the Holy Spirit inspired word of God. Try a chapter a day, make a plan, read a little bit every day- directly from the bible. Get to know how the bible is organized: “The Bible is a library, not a book.” Here is a video to watch about this: YouTube video link If you don’t have a Bible yet, download a free one at this YouVersion Bible App If you want to get really deep into studying the Bible use this website: BlueLetterBible link If you want a hard copy study bible, this is an excellent resource because it features the most often asked questions and answers: hard copy Bible link Many people start with devotionals or books written by Christian Authors and while those are good and have a place and a purpose, they are a further step away from the Holy Spirit’s inspired words found only in the Bible. There is something supernatural that comes from reading the actual Bible. The Holy Spirit will enlighten a person with wisdom and understanding the more often you are actually reading the Word of God (the Bible). Think about this: how diluted do you want the content to be? If you’re going to read something, get as close to the original source as possible: the Bible. You will miss out on so much if you don’t read the actual Bible.

FIND A CHURCH: There are many changes happening in churches today unfortunately, some are not adhering to the Bible teachings; they want to please everyone so they selectively choose the truth found in scripture to suit what the people want to hear and they omit parts that people don’t want to hear. The Bible warns us about this: “For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” 2 Timothy 4:3 Because of this, I believe it is most important to read the Bible first and know what the Bible says. If you go to a church, pay attention to this: are they reading directly from scripture and speaking from scripture? Double check what they say with the Bible because I’ve come across churches that are doing what 2 Timothy 4:3 mentions. During the past 5 years (after reading the entire bible in 2019) I have been continually seeking God, so I made a playlist of videos I watched or listened to that align with what the Bible teaches. This is a resource/playlist of videos that I still add to as I listen and find something “helpful” and in agreement with the bible. Listening to these will keep you busy, filling your mind with God for “years!” (Here’s the YouTube Playlist link: Seeking God; Biblical Knowledge Resources) Joining an online church might be the best solution if you don’t find a church nearby teaching truth. I’m hesitant to recommend a church not knowing if their teaching has changed since I last watched online. Within the playlist link, there are several different churches’ videos, so you will find some churches through the videos in that link. Those are the specific teachings that align with the Bible.

SEEK OUT GODLY FRIENDS: Join a bible based study group, get to know other people who want a relationship with God. As I said before, especially if you are new to reading the bible, find a study group who uses the Bible so you can grow in faith. “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.” Romans 10:17 Besides studying the word of God, the friends you make as you do this will be a source of strength, support, encouragement and celebrations.

RESOURCE- BOOK RECOMMENDATION: First and most importantly, read the Bible, but there are some helpful books that pull together numerous sections of the Bible, aggregating information on a specific topic (from the 40 different authors who wrote the books found in the Bible and inspired from the same Spirit) so these types of books (outside of the Bible) are helpful bringing together the “hidden gems” you will find throughout while reading the Bible.

Because receiving the Holy Spirit (after you believe) is necessary to be in God’s Kingdom, this following book is worth reading and is an excellent resource to better understand “receiving the Holy Spirit” and more. Remember: Jesus answered (Nicodemus), “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit.” John 3:5.

“Who is the Holy Spirit?” Experiencing God’s power by Nancy Taylor & Philip Ryken (click here to buy this book on Amazon)

These “next steps” are what I found when I was seeking, I didn’t have a mentor guiding me to this, so that is what I mean when I said that “God will (eventually) lead you to these things” like He did me, but I also think because I didn’t have a mentor may be why it took me so many years from initially seeking to receiving the Holy Spirit (5 years!) I may have received the Holy Spirit sooner if I had done these “next steps” more quickly? It took me 3 years after I surrendered (although I realize now, I hadn’t 100% surrendered at that time) to actually read the Bible, and then another 2 years after that before I saw evidence of having received the Holy Spirit. This was when I fully surrendered, 100%, and was baptized in 2021. There is a significant difference in me today compared to me in 2017 and the Holy Spirit is the only one who made this happen! Take the next steps to make this happen in 2025 if you haven’t already; it will be worth it!

by Categories: bible study, FAITH, FAMILY, FITNESS, FRIENDSHIP, GOALS, God, HAPPINESS, Healing, Improvement, Letting Go, Love, Make It Count, prayer, priorities, RELATIONSHIPS, TRAVEL, WellnessTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Angry with Religion

written by a sinner

My past. Churches and religion were all the same to me: full of righteousness, rules and tradition and I wasn’t, I was the outsider, a little rebellious and the rejected one. I wanted God in my life, but I didn’t want the rejection I felt in the church or through religious doctrine, so I avoided it. You wouldn’t find me reading a bible, I wasn’t that type of person. I wanted to be a “good” person, but if I was honest with myself, I knew I wasn’t. I prayed occasionally but not regularly.

In hindsight. I know now, what I didn’t know then, and life became clear when I finally read the Bible. No one could have reached me the way the Bible did. In fact, I believe it was God who reached me, the first time I was seeking an answer from the Bible, I prayed and asked Him to show me something that would answer my question. I randomly opened the Bible and there was the answer to my question. I believe God answered me. So many of the questions I had about life, situations, afterlife, etc. were eventually answered, but not immediately. I had to read, search, discover and study to find the answers. This was a long process.

Looking back to my “anger” with churches and religion: I was aware of the 10 Commandments but I also saw the hypocrisy, fakeness within the church, it seemed no one was truly living in accordance with them. I must admit no one had been truly unkind to me, and I wasn’t judging others, I was observing. I think it was my own self-conviction, guilt and disappointment in myself that made it so uncomfortable for me to be there. It made me “resentful” in a sense, I knew others were not perfect, but for some reason I felt rejected even though they were included/accepted. This was likely spiritual warfare. I didn’t know about spiritual warfare until I read the Bible, but this could easily be a situation of being attacked spiritually to keep me from being a part of the community, separate me from God. It was so easy to no longer have the obligation of going to church, (that meant more free time to do what I wanted). And that’s how I remained until God shook up my life in many ways (before I read the Bible). Now, I can see others in my former status having the same reaction I had: anger, distancing, intolerance to hear or spend time (in church, studying the Bible, etc.).

The further we get away from God, the easier it is to fill that time with things that take us away from God and the easier it is for evil to influence us. (I saw this following quote from the bible, 3 days after I drafted this- see what I mean about the bible answering questions!)

“The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so.” Romans 8:7

I’m writing this to reach someone who feels the way as I did (rejected) and who doesn’t know about spiritual warfare. I no longer feel this way- thankfully! But it would have helped me if I had known this.

12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this world’s darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 

Ephesians 6:12

Please know this happens; allowing evil to misguide us will eventually lead us to a place we don’t want to go Hell/death- eternal separation from God. This is exactly why we need the opposite of “avoiding”. We need God. If the people at church are a deterrent, don’t go, but pray, read and study God’s words which is the Bible (it is spiritually influenced), as often as possible. (If you continue reading the bible, you will eventually become aware that this is not like any other book, and you will see that it is spiritually influenced.) Whenever fear, guilt, shame or disappointment sets in, remember what is in John 3! Know that God loves us and wants us to be in a personal relationship with Him. It is so much better once we cross to the other side (meaning with God and not against Him): there is a feeling of peace in all circumstances.

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Churches, Christians, Depression & the Truth

Ever think some events happen for a reason? Several months ago, maybe a year ago, I came across someone through social media who challenged my belief in God and the Bible. Having read the Bible for the first time a year ago, I’m obviously not a biblical scholar, but I knew of resources with scripture that could “prove” the Bible is truth, outside simple logic (from understanding the purpose of the Bible). That person believed the Bible was created for manipulating and controlling a population (which doesn’t make sense because if that was the purpose, then there wouldn’t have been killings of Believers in the Bible). This person rejected what I sent because the person wasn’t open to exploring and understanding the Bible (being spiritually blind is talked about in the Bible), but their mind was so strongly convinced of this mis-information, it puzzled me. Their belief was SO strong against the Bible, it didn’t make sense to continue the conversation for very long, Faith is a choice: believe or don’t believe, but there are consequences for either choice.

From the Church to Atheism

It turned out this person had multiple negative experiences in their church, so they left the church and things weren’t going well in their life, but since they left the church they said “life is so much easier.” (This makes sense too when you understand spiritual warfare). When I first came across this person, they were promoting atheism after formerly being in some kind of a church. Finding that out was very sad to me because I know the truth found in the Bible (and if they would only consider it, it would BENEFIT them), but they had so much resistance due to their experience, they weren’t open to even viewing those resources. They didn’t believe what was written in the Bible. I see that with many people lately: strong resistance to biblical information and truth. (Is this part of spiritual warfare?)

Lack of Trust

The unfortunate reason many give is “a church experience” which I completely understand, having had that experience myself. Most often the reason given involves lack of trust. Lack of trust is what holds people back from numerous experiences in life, for good reasons too: based on experiences, but it’s not good when it holds people back from something GOOD. That needs to change. This is one of the reasons why I believe it is so important to read the bible individually. Each of us needs to know what’s in the bible so that we are not misled by anyone distorting the information in the Bible. Reading the Bible isn’t a quick read, so if you hear someone say something, look it up, read the entire chapter or the book if necessary so it’s not taken out of context, that way you’ll eventually get through some of the Bible, a little at a time. A little is better than none.

Christians

Christians also turn people away if there is a negative interaction. I’ve seen this first hand from both sides too! Meaning I’ve been just as bad as a Christian of not having a good interaction with those closest to me. So I’d like to explain what happened in my experiences. BEING PURSUED: A person who has never read the Bible may not fully understand a scripture quote, so the scripture doesn’t seem relevant to that person, there is more needed context in the Bible before the quote is clearly understood. (That was my experience) Or maybe the person simply has no interest because they don’t understand the Bible’s purpose, so they are not ready to hear it? Or they are afraid there are too many rules they may need to abide by (I think this is many people) PURSUING: From a “newly” Christian’s perspective, when I found out the purpose of the Bible, I especially wanted to tell those closest to me, and I felt an urgency too. I’ve finally realized I have this internal drive to “protect” people. Most ‘person to person” contact about Christianity isn’t from a selfish, self-serving or self-centered motivation, it is because the person truly cares about the other person, but needs to learn a more successful way of communicating.

Depression/Anxiety

This is something I haven’t seen very often mentioned, but something people should know. Depression, anxiety or sadness can bring us to God, but it can also separate us from God. Often when we seek God, it’s a response to something bad that’s happened in our lives. We look to God to “fix it” for us, as the last resource. In reality, God should be our first resource, but initially He is often the last resource in a time of hardship. Reaching out to God (through prayer) is the best solution because He certainly has the ability to “fix” it for us. But we have to remember: He’s not a “vending machine” or a “genie” there to “grant our wishes” either. He wants a relationship with us first and foremost. Think about how we feel when someone just wants to take from us but never wants to give, it makes sense when looking at it from that perspective, doesn’t it? Depression/Anxiety/Sadness can also separate us from God if we are angry with everyone and God. Identifying the underlying source of the anxiety is the most important part in dealing with it. (see image)

Based on my personal experience, I thought if I simply surrendered to God everything would get better, but it didn’t, it started getting worse. I didn’t consider, or know about, the underlying sources of anxiety when it happened unfortunately or I could have dealt with it much more quickly. Little by little parts of this information was revealed as I was studying/reading the Bible. Ironically, my first start to reading the Bible, I opened the Bible to a random page and decided I would start there. It was the book of Job- and it explained a little bit about the spiritual warfare. What better time is it for something evil to “hit” a person then when the person is first surrendering to Jesus, right? That could easily turn a person away from God. The book of Job is good in understanding this because it showed these bad things can be a “test” of faith. Also the Bible often tells us there is a battle for our minds, so negative thoughts, fears, anger, sin, depression can be present to try to separate us from God. Please understand this so if it happens to you reject those “attacks” and pray to God to overcome them.

The Truth

Each of us was created by God, out of love. No person is accidently created; God is the Giver of Life and intentional in giving life to a person. God wants us to seek Him and communicate with Him through prayers, building a relationship. Once we have a relationship with God, He also wants us to help others. God has a purpose for each person He creates, each of us is valuable to God, it may take us awhile to figure out our purpose, but that’s just part of the growth process. The Bible is a resource, a guidebook for life, with the “secret” to eternal life for those who read it and take action. Eternity is not just about life, it can also be eternal pain, if we don’t choose to have a relationship with God. The Bible reveals some aspects of the spiritual realm. It contains thousands of prophecies that happened already, but also has prophecies regarding the future. A “Believer” is more than someone who simply believes Jesus, the Son of God existed, died for us, rose from the dead and ascended to Heaven after His physical death so that we could have eternal life with God. “Believer” means someone who understands that and out of immense gratitude decides to live in a godly way, choosing Jesus as the role model of how to live. The Bible is a resource showing us how Jesus lived and what He taught. The Bible is wisdom and essential for every single person.

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I hope you read this and it makes a Difference!

I woke up early this morning with this on my mind: in the midst of “social distancing” and “isolation” caused by this rapidly spreading #coronavirus …you’re like me right now, if you don’t want to see or hear that word again, and feel “exhausted” by it, wanting to “social distance from that word!” but yet learn from experts, it’s a mental tug-of-war between the two: avoidance and seeking information to be informed.

Getting back to the thought I had this morning: “FOG”…”Emerging from the Fog” We are “in the fog” right now: things are unclear, uncertain, we can’t see what’s ahead of us, we are fumbling while trying to move forward, we aren’t quite “blind,” but are having trouble seeing ahead. There is no doubt, in my mind, that this is an unprecedented situation for something even greater than what our current focus is on.

When was the last time the ENTIRE WORLD came to a “halt” at the same time?

Pay attention to this! It’s more significant than you may realize right now. Have you ever focused so much on a detail, that you didn’t get the main point? What we are experiencing right now is exactly that: the virus is the detail, but it is not the main point. The virus will pass, just don’t miss the main point of why we are going through this now. History repeats itself; we have the same experiences in life when we don’t learn from them. This is where I may loose you….

But I hope you read this and it makes a difference:

Let me first explain, I am not a “religious” person. I’ll define that by example: I grew up with a religion, went to a faith based school, but honestly, I rejected that religion. I never felt connected, struggled with the religion, but I did have faith in God somehow. I became “affiliated” with that religion, and then defined myself to others as a “non-practicing” ….this is not something to be proud of; it’s embarrassing, but true. I tried to participate more because that was “the right thing to do,” but I failed often yet believed (what little I learned from) the Bible; this wasn’t an intentional rejection of God, but in a way it still was rejecting God, because I didn’t have God as my priority, and I didn’t realize that at the time (I was in a fog). So as I say what’s next, try to understand coming from my perspective.

I believe what is happening is a “wake up” call. Only God could manage to DISRUPT/HALT THE ENTIRE WORLD in a very short time frame (a matter of weeks). I’m NOT saying God CAUSED this; but I am saying God is USING this, turning something bad into something good for us. None of us have seen anything like it in our life time. It has global reach and is affecting each of us individually.

So how is God using this? He is using this to turn our attention to Him. Our world has (we have) become so corrupt, we don’t even realize it, we’ve begun to accept things that are completely against the Bible as normal and believe those things are “right,” “justifiable,” in our minds and we are headed on a path of destruction, but don’t even realize this. I was in a fog about this too, going in the same path; BEFORE reading the Bible for the first time recently, late summer 2019. This statement isn’t only my opinion (that God is trying to turn our attention to Him), it is biblically based. There are many historically documented times, where God used natural disasters, events, plagues, healings, miracles, angels, etc. to get people’s attention, this is His REPEATED mode of operation, documented in the Bible:

  • The flood and Noah’s Ark (growing up, I thought this was a fable to teach us something, but I realize while this was to teach us something; it isn’t a fable). There are well educated archaeologists, historians and scientists who can back up this statement; believe me, I had to find them before making a statement like this because of my initial belief!
  • The plagues in Egypt during Moses’ time in the Old Testament
  • The destruction of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah
  • Angels sent by God to warn people or inform people, messengers, protectors
  • The miracles Jesus (and the Apostles, through God performed)

I don’t think this is the end of the world; I’m not an extremist. Just like all those times thousands of years ago, it was not the end of the world, but it was a wake up call. This virus is something that will pass, in my opinion, but right now, we don’t know if someone we know will get this, or if we will get it? Will we recover? Or will God decide: “your time’s up”?

Are you prepared for this?

What we are experiencing right now is enough to cause concern in me about people who haven’t been “fortunate” enough to have some event in your life “wake you up.” Take advantage of this downtime to connect with God. This is personal between each of us and God; you will learn the significance about this, if you read the bible. It affects every person’s future.

Long Range planning? This is where our long range planning needs to be, everything else is short term planning, don’t be misled by distractions in life.

Remember: you don’t take it with you. In the end, it is just your spirit that God breathed into you when he gave you life. You get to decide where your spirit ends up; it’s your choice. If you haven’t thought about that, now is a good time.

My personal note to you: As I began to read the Bible, I started an Instagram account (link here) to save things I read that stood out to me, things I didn’t know before reading the Bible, to help me remember them, and for future reference. I thought if anyone else reads them and it helps someone else that’s even better. The only people/accounts that I follow are people who have contributed (unknowingly) to the growth of my faith. I’m hoping that if you read this and you want to learn more, maybe these accounts will be a good resource for you too? There are a variety of personalities, you may connect with some, and not others. I’ve watched these people/accounts I follow for awhile and over time they have been authentic, teach from the Bible and seem to have integrity too, and seem to be “servants” of God with good intentions. As for my account, it has now become a “responsibility”/”accountability” I gave myself: to make me read something from the Bible every day, and create a post, truly thinking about what I just read (journaling) which I never did before. I know it’s important to stay connected daily, or naturally, our priority of God will be replaced with something else. Whatever we focus on becomes our priority. The greatest commandment is to keep God as our #1 priority. When I first read the Bible, it was a “race to the end” for me to “get the main point” of it, but now I’m getting into the details. I’m relatively new to this but learning more every day from committing to daily reading. Doing this truly has transformed my beliefs/thoughts/priorities, in ways I never thought possible.

Other resources:

For Hope/Positivity: I rarely have anxiety about anything now, but occasionally if it starts, it ends quickly by listening to a YouTube video, specifically by Rick Warren on that topic and how the Bible addresses the subject matter. He has an incredible library of helpful topics to get through anything in life, based on the Bible. His stated intention is to give people hope. I’m actually reading his book right now, The Purpose Driven Life, and even though it’s been a #1 Seller that topped the Wall Street Journal’s chart, Publishers Weekly chart and was a New York Times Bestseller with 32 million copies sold in 85 languages as of 2019, for me, his videos have more personal impact and daily application of Biblical teachings, but everyone responds to different things and different people.

For Historical and Scientific support of Biblical information along with real life application: Greg Holder and the weekly YouTube online broadcast of each and every service of The Crossing is a great resource.

For the honest biblically based truth: If you have pride, or think you are “good enough,” don’t need to change, you should listen to Marcus Rogers for a wake up call. He talks raw truth about the bible, doesn’t “sugar coat” anything, doesn’t care how people react to what he says, he says things most people are afraid to say because it is not what people want to hear, isn’t
“politically correct”, afraid because they will be looked at like they are crazy (talking about the spiritual world) when this is actually in the Bible, people don’t want to accept it as truth because it makes them uncomfortable. His style is not what I grew up with, yet I appreciate what he is doing and like him because I believe he has good core intentions and he does make me think or research something, reflect on my short comings.

For reading the Bible on your own: (this app reads it to you also); you can search any topic, find reading plans based on what is applicable in your life at the time, download the YouVersion app available in ios or Android versions. This app was created by Life Church.

For questions about anything in the Bible: www.GotQuestions.Org offers an app resource which answers different questions people may have coming from different faith backgrounds into the exploration of Christian faith and provides the scripture references for questions, so you can read them for yourself and decide.

My hope is that this helps at least one person! #faithoverfear #trustGod

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Being “called”

Have you ever heard someone say “I was called to …”? I have before, and often thought with a bit of skepticism and doubt: “How did THAT happen?” when I heard someone say that. A little concern about “brain wash,” or “over compensating” to be honest.

Does that happen “magically” one day? How does one know that is happening? Is the person saying this to make themselves seem important or special? What’s the ulterior motive in this? Are they going to be judging me now because of this? then…I don’t know if I can relate to them anymore…

I can’t tell you what it is like for others, but I can tell you what this is like for me and the only reason I’m writing this is because maybe this is happening to you and you don’t recognize it? Because I didn’t. I was opposite of “that” person who received a calling (I never knew what my purpose was, or what I should be doing); just an average “normal” person. But something in me is changing over time, for years in fact, VERY gradually. So gradually, that I didn’t recognize it was happening, until now.

How did it start?

Hindsight always makes everything clearer. As a child, I learned about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. I learned how to pray. I believed in what I was taught and off and on, randomly, throughout life at various times, I prayed but not consistently. I always seemed to keep my belief, but the belief was often buried and personal and I lived a “normal” life.

How did it progress?

  • My conscience. My inner conscience would conflict with the way I was living and as I struggled with the conflict, I would make gradual changes, a little at a time. I made bad decisions and then suffered the consequences, over and, over and, over again! There is a quote about change:

CHANGE occurs when the PAIN of doing the same is GREATER than the FEAR/UNCOMFORTABLE process of CHANGE.

  • Other people in my life: mentors, those whom I respected influenced me: not by “preaching” to me; I didn’t want or need that, but by me paying attention to how they lived, by the example they gave, by their actions, not by their words and through the respect I had towards them. This contributed to my inner conscience tugging of knowing right from wrong. And honestly, those who were not living in a “biblical” way also had an influence on me: I could see the pain they brought into their lives by their actions, similar to my own pain. I wanted change, but didn’t know how.
  • Finding a church that felt welcoming. I participated in a few churches over the years, but always felt like an “outsider.” I believed in the biblical teachings, but didn’t get a good feeling/connected feeling from the people who were there. I didn’t fit in, so I didn’t participate fully. Years went by and because of a tragedy/death, I visited a non-denomination church, one that many people had suggested to me, but I didn’t even give it a chance; I thought it was “too different” from what I knew growing up. It was different, but why didn’t I realize the obvious: It WAS different, and all along I never felt like I connected anywhere else, so why did I resist trying something new? I was looking for something different! I don’t have the answer to that question, but do know that it took a tragedy to get me there; the year was 2015. I started going to church occasionally, then started getting more involved in exploring and understanding what this church was all about. I found a connection here. It was a non-denomination, Christian church, based on the direct teachings of the Bible and nothing else. Every question was answered with: “What does the bible tell us?”
  • Exploring the bible. This was something I never accomplished: reading the entire bible, and I still haven’t, but I found there are too many things that pointed me back to the Bible being the truth and knowing that various religions acknowledge what is in the Bible, but have different beliefs. For example, Jesus. I was amazed to find out that Muslims acknowledge that Jesus lived; but they do not believe He was the Son of God. I knew Jewish people felt the same, but also acknowledge Jesus’ existence. I also thought: how could this book survive over 2,000 years if there wasn’t a strong basis in truth that was passed on for generations? 2016 was the year of exploring this non-denomination church further and by 2017 I decided I needed to “Surrender to God” knowing that I needed change and wanting God to direct my life.

What happened during this change?

Well in my mind, I had the following expectations: once I “surrendered to God” my life would be peaceful, without pain and wonderful. I was wrong! Almost immediately bad things started happening in my life: personally, financially, relationally; some of the worst hardships I ever experienced. I struggled more than ever and I didn’t understand why this was happening, but I still had hope that I did the right thing, things would turn around and I kept faith in God to see me through all this. So then 2018 arrives and I’m still hopeful, there were many good things that happened that year, and I focused on the good, but the bad was still weighing heavily on me and I was still struggling. Then I was again hopeful about 2019, but 2019 was even harder than the prior two years that I thought were the worst I had experienced. Almost everything was going opposite of good and getting worse, not better. This was not the “story” I expected!

Reflection: In 2017, I considered getting baptized as an adult in this new church (even though I was Baptized as a child and Confirmed later- I went through the motions in doing this Confirmation, because that was what everyone else did. I recall my confirmation was a renewal of the baptism beliefs my parents said on my behalf and I still had those same beliefs, so I was Confirmed).

This “new” baptism commitment, that was offered and happening at this church, was different to me as an adult. To me, this meant if I did it, I am making a promise to God to live my life according to his commands, no loopholes, no excuses for behavior, no leniency. I decided in 2018, while I was changing for the better, I wasn’t ready to completely change and make that commitment. In 2019, I questioned it again: why I should consider being baptized, if I made the commitment personally to God, then why would I need to be so “public” with it? Is it for show? So I didn’t go through with it again.

During 2019, I started looking up things in the bible to gain knowledge and answers about questions I had. And I started reading a little here and there with the end goal eventually getting through the bible over time. Then one night before I went to bed, I decided to randomly open the bible and read whatever I opened, hoping that God would give me some insight into my life and struggles. Wow! So I opened it to the book of Job and started reading: It started with Satan telling God he could gain Job’s soul basically. Satan took control over Job’s life and destroyed everything about it, convinced that Job would reject God. The majority of the book was Job questioning why this was happening and why God was doing this to him (but God wasn’t, Job didn’t understand) when Job was living his life in accordance with God’s commands, bad was happening. He challenged God, was angry with God because he felt unjustifiably harmed, but maintained his faith and trust in God throughout all the bad that was happening in his life. His friends even thought he was being punished for doing wrong and told him he needed to repent and ask for forgiveness. As I was reading this, it’s a long book, I had to skip to the end because it was so depressing and it was making me even more sad, feeling like giving up. I could relate it to my life and how I was feeling about all the bad in it, I wanted to know how the story ended. I was glad to see in the end that God restored Job and Job’s life was even better than it had been in the past. The story taught hope through perseverance. That was what I needed.

Again in 2019, I found, exploring the Bible, more answers to questions I had, but again, these were not the answers that I wanted. They were answers that caused me even more pain, sadness and loss of hope. It was so painful to me that I decided to speak with a Pastor, which I did a couple times. And it was helpful, I gained insight into parts of the Bible I had not yet explored and it gave me hope once again.

At the same time, I talked to my sister, who has always been one of strong faith and she introduced me to a Bible app that she has used before and found beneficial. She texted me a link so I decided to download the app and explore what was in it. I was completely amazed at how much work went into creating this app and how effective this app is. Everything is from the Bible (you can choose what version you use; I use the NIV version) and there are reading plans for every question or situation you could imagine. You can search a word and it will find biblical passages or reading plans that relate to your interests or questions or situation. This is something so helpful, the app will audibly read the bible to you, so you can listen when you are driving, or before you go to bed, or anytime you need, or want it and it’s a resource you have with you all the time, because it’s on your phone. You can download it here: https://www.youversion.com/the-bible-app/

Conclusion.

I am still on this slow journey, but I do believe that God put people in my life and allowed things to happen in my life to bring me back, wake me up, make me change my ways and I am committed more than I’ve ever been to doing this. My story hasn’t finished, but I’m realizing through this series of events, that I am “being called” to make a change in my life.

by Categories: Face Fear, FAITH, Following Passions, HAPPINESS, Improvement, Letting Go, Love, Make It Count, RELATIONSHIPS, WellnessTags: , , , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments