written by a sinner
My past. Churches and religion were all the same to me: full of righteousness, rules and tradition and I wasn’t, I was the outsider, a little rebellious and the rejected one. I wanted God in my life, but I didn’t want the rejection I felt in the church or through religious doctrine, so I avoided it. You wouldn’t find me reading a bible, I wasn’t that type of person. I wanted to be a “good” person, but if I was honest with myself, I knew I wasn’t. I prayed occasionally but not regularly.
In hindsight. I know now, what I didn’t know then, and life became clear when I finally read the Bible. No one could have reached me the way the Bible did. In fact, I believe it was God who reached me, the first time I was seeking an answer from the Bible, I prayed and asked Him to show me something that would answer my question. I randomly opened the Bible and there was the answer to my question. I believe God answered me. So many of the questions I had about life, situations, afterlife, etc. were eventually answered, but not immediately. I had to read, search, discover and study to find the answers. This was a long process.
Looking back to my “anger” with churches and religion: I was aware of the 10 Commandments but I also saw the hypocrisy, fakeness within the church, it seemed no one was truly living in accordance with them. I must admit no one had been truly unkind to me, and I wasn’t judging others, I was observing. I think it was my own self-conviction, guilt and disappointment in myself that made it so uncomfortable for me to be there. It made me “resentful” in a sense, I knew others were not perfect, but for some reason I felt rejected even though they were included/accepted. This was likely spiritual warfare. I didn’t know about spiritual warfare until I read the Bible, but this could easily be a situation of being attacked spiritually to keep me from being a part of the community, separate me from God. It was so easy to no longer have the obligation of going to church, (that meant more free time to do what I wanted). And that’s how I remained until God shook up my life in many ways (before I read the Bible). Now, I can see others in my former status having the same reaction I had: anger, distancing, intolerance to hear or spend time (in church, studying the Bible, etc.).
The further we get away from God, the easier it is to fill that time with things that take us away from God and the easier it is for evil to influence us. (I saw this following quote from the bible, 3 days after I drafted this- see what I mean about the bible answering questions!)
“The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so.” Romans 8:7
I’m writing this to reach someone who feels the way as I did (rejected) and who doesn’t know about spiritual warfare. I no longer feel this way- thankfully! But it would have helped me if I had known this.
12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this world’s darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:12
Please know this happens; allowing evil to misguide us will eventually lead us to a place we don’t want to go Hell/death- eternal separation from God. This is exactly why we need the opposite of “avoiding”. We need God. If the people at church are a deterrent, don’t go, but pray, read and study God’s words which is the Bible (it is spiritually influenced), as often as possible. (If you continue reading the bible, you will eventually become aware that this is not like any other book, and you will see that it is spiritually influenced.) Whenever fear, guilt, shame or disappointment sets in, remember what is in John 3! Know that God loves us and wants us to be in a personal relationship with Him. It is so much better once we cross to the other side (meaning with God and not against Him): there is a feeling of peace in all circumstances.
S.A.I.L. 