It’s interesting how one idea leads to another when there are no other distractions! Yesterday I wrote “Marriage doesn’t exist in God’s Kingdom” and after I finished, I thought more should be said about marriage because it truly is something very important, it is a union envisioned and created by God, but in our culture, marriage is viewed as “disposable.”
Why should I write about this?
Because many people, even strangers surprisingly, have asked for advice and I’m not even a psychologist! I think back to when I was a teen, after my parents’ divorce, I was on my own quest for relationship advice, I didn’t know where to get it, so I kept reading books. But even in books there is a lot of bad advice out there, as I’ve finally learned, but now know the truth. So who can be trusted? There’s only one trusted source: God. So what follows is NOT MY advice; this is from the Bible, summarized here:
What marriage should be:
- Two people honestly focused on God as the priority
This point is the most important part of a marriage, and the emphasis is on “two,” both people, not just one person. If you both aren’t focused on God as a priority there is a very high probability that you will go through a divorce. If you’re not married yet, you should hold off and save yourself the headache, if both of you are not God focused; that should happen first. So if you choose to get married without taking this step first, then plan on giving away whatever you accumulated and be prepared to live a more simple life than you are right now because that is reality.
So how does having God as a priority make a marriage successful?
Marriage is hard work. Each person will need help with marriage because no one is perfect and we truly can’t do it on our own; we will need God’s strength at some point to continue, or to change. Because honestly some situations are just too challenging to deal with on our own. Trust in God.
If a couple is God focused, they commit to obeying the 10 commandments. These are the laws from God that should not be broken.
If both people are focused on God and follow the ways Jesus instructed, then each person will NOT be focused on:
- sexual immorality
- impurity
- lust
- evil desires
- greed
- anger, rage
- malice
- slander
- filthy language
- lies
- getting drunk
But they WILL be focused on:
- compassion
- kindness
- humility
- gentleness
- patience
- forgiveness
- love
- peace
- thankfulness, gratitude
2. Two people should know what “LOVE” truly means and be prepared to make that commitment to each other
I wrote about this in detail recently: “Real Love”
3. The husband should desire to do/be the following in marriage:
- Provide for your family
- Have an exclusive relationship with your wife
- Fulfill your wife’s needs
- Show appreciation for what your wife does for you
- Take care of your responsibilities, including your wife
- Be kind to your wife; never treat her harshly
- Honor your wife
- Treat your wife with understanding
- Your wife is your equal partner
- Love your wife
- Show your love by your actions
- Live happily with your wife
- Remain loyal to your wife
- Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry
- A lifetime commitment to your wife
4. The wife should desire to do/be the following in marriage:
- Have an exclusive relationship with your husband
- Fulfill your husband’s needs
- Your husband should take the lead
- Respect your husband
- Love your husband and show it by your actions
- Submit to your husband- because he has earned the respect and trust to do this
- Be trustworthy towards your husband
- Contribute to your husband’s life to make it better; help out
- Focus on building up, not destroying your husband
- Have an eagerness to contribute; marriage should be “selfless” contribution and the only way to be selfless is focusing on serving others, not yourself
- Be resourceful in contributing
- Don’t be lazy
- There are times where it will be tiresome, but that’s part of the responsibility: whether it’s a job or child rearing
- Your family’s need should be your priority
- Be respectable, dress with dignity
- Speak in kindness building up family members
- Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry
- This marriage commitment to your husband should be as long as he is alive
I truly believe that if people followed these guidelines from the Bible, there would no longer be divorce. All the underlined text above has links from the bible for reference. I hope this is helpful to someone who reads.
S.A.I.L. 